About Me

In chaos I create my own order. I am what I am and nothing else. I vow I will live by own truth, my own ideas, and my own way, and I will live on. I hail myself and my kingdom is my own. Amen. That’s what it says on my hexagram.

You can call me Aleph on this site, that’s the name I like to go by here.

The meaning of the name Aleph

It is borrowed from the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet, and the name of the protagonist of Shin Megami Tensei II. The “Lord of Chaos” part of my moniker is by and large a “for the lulz” alias.

The meaning of the blog name

The name was inspired by the Jakyou Manor, or Cathedral of Shdaows, from the Shin Megami Tensei games. In the games, this is where you can go to fuse your demons into a single demon and (in some games) access the Demonic Compendium, a catalog of all the demons you have ever summoned, fused, and registered where you can also summon said demons (at the cost of an variable amount of Macca, the in-game currency). Also, in Japan, the word Jakyou means “heretical”, pertaining in this case to a forbidden doctrine or magickal craft, which in the games refers to demon fusion.

It’s also relevant to the fact that I’m a Satanist and Luciferian, and I walk the Left Hand Path. In our world this would mark me as, you could say, a heterodox thinker, a non-conformist, a black sheep – a heretic. Not just that, but probably among the highest order of heretics, non-conformists, and freethinkers. My outlook is not only ultimately at odds with the outlook of the three monotheistic faiths (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) and other mainstream religions (even ones I kind of like, such as Hinduism and Buddhism), but it’s also at odds with the trendy but fickle political outlook of the masses, the modern current of atheism mixed with hard materialism that has inexorably descended into dogmatism, and what I perceive to be the current direction of the human species and the general patterns and tendencies that I think it’s based on, and I find myself as a person uninterested in, and often opposed to, the trends, interests, and common behaviors of the majority of people. Thus, I stand largely alone, with relatively few friends and few circles I can relate to. I’m also convinced I’m not only a rebel to the outside world, but sometimes feel like I’m different to other Satanists, Luciferians, and other metalheads for various reasons. In the end, I’m only a heretic because I’m me, and only in the world in which I and the rest of the human species live and share life.

Anyways, about me

I live in the United Kingdom, though I’d prefer to be in America, Japan, or some place warm instead. I was born in the UK, but I spent a significant part of my childhood in Massachussetts in the USA, and since then I have often thought myself as American, rather than British, which I’m sure must sound silly to some people. I like to talk/write about religion, mythology, the occult, society, current events, my self, and other things, including video games, anime, films, and music, and all these subjects usually fall under my personal interests. I really like heavy metal music, though I sometimes have other interests in terms of music (you probably don’t get to see it often though). I want to make artwork, write stories, make music, design video games, and fulfill my being/personality on this earth before my time comes.

I have an alter ego character who is basically my self and my idea of what I see myself as or what I want to be projected as a fictional character designed largely with video games and anime/manga in mind. This character goes on adventures, sometimes finds treasure, fights “bad guys”, protects the balance of his world from tipping, and generally lives it up. He fights monsters, deities, demons, and humans who act as enemies, and often they’re enemies because they’ve gone off the deep end so to speak and want to disrupt the balance for its own sake, hold power over others for its own sake (and/or take their souls), take over the world, destroy the world, replace the world with a new one made in their image, or generally threaten freedom in the world. To that end he’ll collaborate with human, deity, and demon alike, and he’ll fight human, deity, and demon alike, all in the name of freedom and protecting the world as it is. He fights with swords and other weapons, as well as supernatural powers such as fire and others. See more here.

I am an individualist. I believe in liberty, justice, and the freedom to pursue life in any way you want to, and have a moral oppositon to authoritarianism, totalitarianism, collectivism, and just about anything that is undermining freedom. See here, or here. This would put me in the libertarian camp, and I find libertarianism in line with and a part of my own instincts and runs well with my own development. In fact, in terms of the political compass I am a right-wing libertarian. I have a great respect for classical liberalism. In both cases it means I believe in both social and economic freedom (valuing both social freedom and free markets). I don’t believe in surrendering what life, youth, and energy you have when you “grow up” just to become part of the herd or appease traditional constructs (like marriage for one; though I don’t really mind it if the love between two individuals is ultimately what leads to it, I would prefer alternatives to traditional marriage),and I think that your youthful spirit doesn’t need to mean ignorance, naivety, and slavery to the past. I also believe people who oppress and harm others should get what they deserve, be it by our own hands or otherwise. While I tend to have specific moral ideals, standards, and expectations, I also ultimately embrace human nature for what it is: self-oriented. Consequently, I believe in a marriage of moral ideals and egoism, and I think giving due credit to the power of rational self-interest and trying to reflect the way the human species actually works might do the world good. We’re not purely callous monsters at heart, but we’re not purely angels in the conventional sense either, and I’d prefer we respect that. Even though I respect the need for social order in order for freedom to ultimately exist, since it can’t exist in a state of lawlessness, I still hold hope for a world where we can live in freedom as individuals without the need for any laws or social contracts, but it will take time, time for the masses at large to cultivate an understanding and a love for liberty that they currently do not have.

As far as religious identity, I’m Luciferian, which I consider to be a worthy expansion of Satanism. Basically I am a Satanist, but now I may go by the Luciferian label because of how I see Luciferianism. Techincally, this means I am actually a Luciferian Satanist. I believe in the God within (or rather each individual is a God unto him/herself), the power that is within us, the inner flame, and my own world. My goal is to become stronger, live as I desire, and, when I die, enter the paradise of my design and imagination. I am a Satanist because it supports self-empowerment and individualism, to the point of self-deification, and puts the self, the carnal ego, at the center, and I wish to work with a dark and primordial force. I’m a Luciferian because I want both light and darkness, harmony and wilderness (thereby embracing balance), and embrace the things enrich my self as a learning process, because I see it as another way of looking at my own Satanism (see “The next level of Satanism“), and because I share an important common goal with Luciferianism: a world of freedom for all human beings, in spite of the world in which we live.

I don’t believe in a governor of the universe, or a God in the external sense, but I am also open about the existence of spirits, monsters, demons, and gods, even as symbolic or archetypal. In a sense, this makes me a soft polytheist, though as a Satanist/Luciferian I am an autotheist meaning the self is the only true God. When I say the self is God, I don’t really mean “God” in that omnipotent being in the sky sense; I mean it as the primary agent of the life of the individual, the only thing capable of shaping your reality, the only thing that can save you. You’re the creator, not someone in the sky. You are the immortal soul destined to meet its own paradise if you believe to yourself be, while conversely you are just a meaningless mass of flesh if you believe yourself to be. You’re in charge of your own life and no one else, and you have to own that and take responsibility. I don’t deny Nature, and I don’t feel humans are ultimately separate from the natural world, being natural beings, but then that’s largely because nothing is ultimately unnatural, and because I feel the soul, consciousness, or the I is ultimately what makes human beings stand out in the natural world, and even then, I would argue that it’s not necessarily unnatural. As both a Satanist and a Luciferian, I think of the Self as ultimately the primary agent in the life of the individual, but I do have a feeling that there is also a life force involved, a source of power at the core of the Self. Currently, as a Luciferian, I call this the Black Flame.

Spiritual goals

  • To gain personal spiritual power for myself, do to with it as I will
  • To spiritually create and/or partake of my own world from my own individually discerned principles and ideal
  • To ignite the inner flame and know it
  • To never lose or surrender my self
  • To empowering the self to spiritual heights
  • Spiritual immortality
  • To free myself from mundanity or dullness
  • To take in the pleasures of the world on both a material and spiritual level
  • To rise above the forces of entropy and doom
  • To shine a light and participate in the creation of a world of freedom, both for myself and for others

(There used to be a Personal Manifesto page here, but I decided About Me and Personal Manifesto were almost the same page, and so they can be merged so to speak).



29 responses to “About Me

  1. Sup ,dude .. Sounds cool , I sort of stumbled across this blog on google looking up what dnd allignment the church of satan was and I came here for some reason. I was ,or still am ,sort of into the Levayan idea but I have a bit more spiritual views then that and found it a bit gloomy . I would most likely assocaite with Neutral with a strong lean towards “chaotic neutral” as a personality ,but I still tolerate some order ,when nessessary . I only do what I want unless its totally impractical and that is why I said that I can tolerate order sometimes . I HATE authority itsself but “the balance of nature” is more of my view of order . If you have ever played Dungeons and Dragons , I associate closest with the Druid class .
    Btw , What is your oppinion of psychedelics ? Ive used weed and thats all , but the other ones ? You dont have to incriminate yourself or tell me that you took them but oppinions of them in general .I think that they can be dangerous but also can be useful in the right circumstances ,and if “god’ or nature wanted to tell us something magically that would be the way ,not through some old book or creepy old dude in a soulless stone building .

    • Thank you for taking an interest in my site.

      To be honest, it’s not so much Dungeons and Dragons I’m interested in compared with Shin Megami Tensei (which has a similar system). I easily prefer the Chaos side as associated with freedom, though there’s probably some Neutral in my mix too.

      Now to answer you question, I can safely say I have never taken psychedelic drugs in my life, not even during the early half of my teen years. This doesn’t mean I’m “clean” by any sense, or that I’m some uptight Christian, it’s just that I was never interested in drugs, or alcohol for that matter. I see drugs as destructive to the mind and harmful to the will. Part of me thinks the reason some people encourage use of psychedelic drugs (such as pot and ayahuasaca) is that they bend the mind in such a manner that one is more willing to merge oneself with the universe. I do think it’s OK to get high, but the sad thing is so many ways people choose to get intoxicated are through destructive, mind-bending drugs. I prefer more natural highs and sources of intoxications, like the high of life, the high of music, and of course sexual ecstasy.

  2. Oh , to clarify what I meant about the Church of Satan ; I like many of their main ideals , as in the 11 satanic rules of the earth but I am a bit more altruistic then that ,though I am not dedicated to some abstract community structure but rather to people I personally like . Morally , I am mostly concerned for my own wellbeing , and prehapts the wellbeing of my close friends , but dont have any desire to do things that would “fuck up ” society as a whole ,as in I dont have contempt for people in general and “judge” people on a personal level . Any “moral ” ideals I have are personal and RARELY find wisdom in penned lawbooks and the ramblings of old fucks in suits though a FEW laws in history actually aided freedom rather then slowed it down (such as the Emancipation Proclaimation and such).
    I have a manifesto that I am working on right now and a website that is still in the works for this loosely organized “cult” that I am designing . Its not really religious based on that level ,as in there is no god , but its a sort of free will commune based on freedom but consentual cooperation ,not some sort of red communist revivalist group. Hedonism and free spiritedness is key in the organization and we generally oppose ideals like monogamy , marriage and nationalism but tolerate and see the need for these things sometimes . Personal freedom is key ,while the “tenents ” of the society do not “forbid” marriage or restriction ( lol ) , anything that “roots ” a person down is ill advised . Our idea of community is based on people WANTING to join us in our goals not be “enslaved” like one is to “federalism ” or other such bullshit . I am a hippie so my organization has few “rules” and those are more like tenents , the society has …..general goals and ideals presented in the philosophy but no legalistic system per say , I just hope that the people who would join the society would be intrinsically “good” or atleast neutral to other members and allow for some ……cohabitation and good vibes without bullshit laws.

    My philosophy is based a bit off of Aliestor Crowley ,minus the psycho bits of his works ,and Id say that I see a bit more sense in Thelema then I found in Satanism or Wicca ,though both were an inspiration . Taoism is also a factor in my philosophy ,Ive read the Tao-tse ching which I found fascinating . Well , anyways ,dude ,just email me later ,Ill probably get back to you soon.

  3. In western astrology the Sun sign is considered the most significant sign. So your sign sign is Aries. Yet I find vedic (hindu) astrology most important. They consider mostly your Moon sign, since this one represents your inner emotions…who you are within. Do you know your moon sign?

    btw Im Sun in Pisces and Moon in Cancer

      • Thank you for your honesty. I respect your beliefs about astrology, but we cant deny our connection to the planets and the cosmos 😉 Im not saying that your destiny is set in stone either. Yet our environments influence us.
        Anyway I admire your strong will power and that you stand up for what you believe in no matter what. 🙂
        To be honest, I found this blog searching for a picture of kali. I study the vedic scriptures but Im not super religious. I also find flaws and contradictions like with krshna.
        First I noticed your name and then I read more about your beliefs and I found it all decently captivating and I concur with the same opinions!
        *among my studies there is The Vedas, aryuveda and types of yoga among other arts.
        I almost right away, assumed you were another person i know who likes being called Aleph and has a very similar perspective, or that at least youd share his moon or sun sign…ha But I guess not. Im glad I was wrong because once again that reminds us that nothing is set in stone. I guess we are all just connected!
        ….Still I find you too very veeery similar (only based on somethings Ive read here) It would be too funny if you also shared similar physical attributes!

      • I always have my doubts regarding the whole connection thing, and I never believed we were all connected, but hey, there’s always something interesting about how some things seem to fit together, even in the case of coincidences.

        I feel I should thank you for your generous compliment about my sense of will, even though often times it doesn’t always come out. I feel I should tell you that in a few days, a family event will happen that will test precisely my will to defend my beliefs.

  4. Indeed, tests are necessary to find out whether we want certain things bad enough and an opportunity to gain knowledge with the experience. W.e it is I believe you shall be successful, as long as you act with respect and don’t let your pride or greed take over. Winning isn’t enough, but how you handle the situation through the process comes first!
    Our families and this world may share different beliefs and thats ok, we all take what we need and leave what we dont! I have a Cristian family, who got baptized a few months ago…before they used to practice santeria (African religion that came from Egypt and originated in India). Im glad they did this because now they dont perform useless animal sacrifices and it was beyond their understanding anyway. So in respect of this, change i took down my Vishnu and Lakshmi altar and placed it on a hidden place in my room, since i live with them. They never told me to do it, i just knew it would make them uncomfortable!

    • It’s interesting you mention beliefs and baptism, because a christening is the event I am referring to. I don’t want to go, and I don’t support it. They think it is good for the baby’s soul, but there’s nothing good about blindly going along with traditions without thinking about whether you actually believe and then having Jesus Christ greet you like a pharaoh and have you sing his praises for eternity after you die. It’s not right.

  5. Well idk about blindly going along with traditions..as far as i know…i know nothing. I have my doubts with every religion and questions every tradition there is. I am fond of the vedic teachings tho. I think one should make a humble exception with one’s family. My mom once invited me to a church party…I though it would be something casual since she wasnt a church goer at all. When i got there, the member of the church greeted us with wide smiles and open arms and making us feel like we were walking with the president…then i knew it was gonna be hard to get out! lol …ha The “welcoming party” ended up being a 6 hour long class based on the bibble and why we should get baptized! I was furious seeing the hours passed by sitting in a chair wishing i could get out and trying to shut my ears when they mentioned something about gay plp and other silly stuff that i find ignorant like how jesus died on the cross for our sins…eh.( Besides that I could swear to you that they are/were passing laughing gas through the vents at that church…Thats my theory for why plp get so crazy and act like their pains and suffering go away during the “healing” part. I have my reasons to strongly believe this! 0.0
    Long story short, at the end of the class they asked who wanted to get baptized and I accepted to do it along with my mom and others that attended. I did it mostly because this made my mom happy and i had already spent 6 hours of my life on the course(not knowing what i was doing). after the whole thing they invited us to eat some chicken and rise which was my boiling point since im a vegetarian and that another reason why i dont buy christianism, they have performed many animal sacrifices int he old text too. The point is that i didn’t really find this ritual necessary in order for my soul to be “saved” but i found an opportunity to give my family a peace of mind. To me rituals are like metaphors they just symbolize something with a deep meaning, so if you get a chance to perform a positive ritual sometime like dancing around the fire of even bathing at the beach, i think it will do your subconscious brain some good regardless of the religion.

    btw since that day i got baptized my mom started going to church like crazy and she encourages me to go a lot but respects that im not so into it and doesnt push me around about it. I do tell her i believe in God. Also a few days ago she found my statues i had hidden and put them in a bag…i was furious at first but i admit it was my bad for not respecting her house. At least she didn’t throw them away! 🙂 Just have some compassion and be humble towards your family. You will still be you at the end of the night!

  6. Im curious, how does someone become a Luciferian? And what kind of rituals or prayers do they practice? Does the religon have rules, for ex. Catholics cant eat meat on sunday? And finally, what made you personally a Luciferian when your parents are of a different religion? Im very interested in this belief and might look into becoming part of it, i see much of me in this religion, or at least from what you wrote.

    • It is interesting that you ask because I am presently still working through some things about my Luciferianism and Satanism, with my recent posts being devoted to study of these subjects. Let’s just say there are things I have been meaning to resolve, and I will post about that soon enough. However, I think I can answer some of your questions.

      To become a Luciferian you simply have to examine the philosophical doctrines or teachings of Luciferianism, and then decide if you accord with them. You can look into the Assembly of Light Bearers (formerly known as the Greater Church of Lucifer) if you want, or specifically the ideas of Michael W. Ford or Jeremy Crow, but there are other organizations that call themselves Luciferian as well with their own take on the tradition. I don’t think we have many hard and fast dogmas in the sense that Christians do, and Luciferians certainly don’t have dietary restrictions (like the Catholic example you presented). The main rules are simply that you go about your life taking responsibility for everything you do and act within the bounds of rational self-interest and your defined set of principles, ideally those conducive to the growth and mastery of the individual, and not do anything that would be completely against your own interest or those you care about, violate your own principles (whether within the context of Luciferianism or simply a general sphere of personal morals cultivated outside of Luciferianism) or directly undermine your own intelligence, mental and spiritual development or sense of sovereignty as an individual.

      There is ritualism found within Luciferianism, and Ford is a pretty good source on that. But it isn’t mandatory. You can subscribe to the basic principles of Luciferianism while otherwise remaining totally secular. You can be a theist, agnostic, or atheist, although in general the belief is that divine potential, of a sort at least, resides within Man and not in heaven, with Lucifer being the archetype associated with that potential among other things.

      As for me personally, you’re right that my parents were a different religion. They were Christians (with one side of the family being expressly Catholic). For a while I went along with the Christianity, but as I entered adolescence I began to doubt the Christian worldview before outright leaving the religion. I was and technically still am an agnostic (in that I claim no certainty over the existence or non-existence of a “God” of any kind), but for a while I became interested in paganism to some extent, being fascinated with the gods and demons of myth, then eventually becoming a Satanist in 2013 before deciding incorporate Luciferianism two years later.

      • Thank you for that, youve been a great help 🙂 I look foreward to reading more of your writing, and i would just like to add, i have the same situation with my parents, them being devout Christians and me on the road to Satanism, but do they accept you as a Satanist(feel free not to answer if its personal)?

      • M parents don’t really know, although I think my mother has probably seen the necklace I usually wear and thought of it as a Satanic symbol (she wasn’t entirely wrong on that count). I don’t like to give too much of it away to family precisely because of their Christian background, since I assume it would create problems if I did.

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