It’s 2018 and the Priest is back!

HEAVY METAL OVERLOAD

Happy New Year everyone! What better way to get the 2018 HMO ball rolling than with some brand spanking new music? So here’s the new Judas Priest single Lightning Strike from their upcoming album Firepower.

You’ll no doubt have heard this already, so what do you think? I’ve listened to it a few times now and I’m pretty impressed. The co-production from Andy Sneap and the returning Tom Allom is a tremendous improvement over the previous album, the disappointing Redeemer Of Souls. Boaby Halford sounds totally rejuvenated too and signs with grit and power. It’s just got that classic Screaming For Vengeance era classic Priest vibe to it.

Whether the rest of the album lives up to the promise is another thing entirely but, based on the quality of this Lightning Strike, I’m way more excited about the release of Firepower than I expected to be.

Firepower

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An organizing idea for myself

Going forward, I have thought that I should construct an organizing idea for myself as a Luciferian going forward: one that will govern and underpin my practice, my spirituality and my personal framework for Luciferianism in the long run and thus define the ideal I seek to aspire to.

This organizing idea stems from some contemplations and conversations about the balance of the “light” and “dark” aspects of the self, akin to the superego and the id, or rather the struggle of Man’s rational and instinctual impulses, as well as of the concept of the Morning Star, a name for the planet Venus as the day star, and how it is title that has been not just the King of Babylon but also Jesus Christ himself.

On the first topic, I believe I’ve covered the subject of balance many times before on this very blog, though not so much through the lens of the rational versus the instinctual. So will just say this: whoever said that humans are primarily rational creatures was either wrong or lying. Which isn’t to say that humans are just chimps a few extra sparks of consciousness. Look, in the wild, nearly every animal other than homo sapiens operates primarly on instinct and animalistic pragmatism. You think almost exclusively through the lens of eat, drink, court a mate, procreate, and try to avoid getting killed. This isn’t necessarily rational on its own. Or if it is, it’s in a limited sense because you aren’t necessarily calculating your actions all that much. You’re just making do or die actions all the time, and you can’t ignore the moment or avoid acting out of desperation or else you’re going to die. This is because in the pure state of nature, there is only one primary goal: survival. And that basic desire to survive is not necessarily a rational one, but an instinctual one – perhaps the seat of our instincts. Now bear in mind that I’m not making a moral judgement here. Without following our basic instinctual desire to survive during the time before civilization, perhaps we might not have arrived at the point in our evolution in which we conceivably could build civilizations and rise to the top of the food chain. To have lived in that state was a necessary step in our evolution before we could arrive at civilization. But it can’t be confused as rational, not in the purest sense anyway.

Rational thinking, by contrast, requires objectivity. Even if we can’t achieve perfect objectivity, the rational person must approximate the level of real objectivity as much as possible. This involves the ability to step back from the moment and think long term, guided by logic rather than the immediate senses. Man achieves this in the pursuit of power and civilization, for civilization is ultimately the pursuit of a system in which humans can not only survive but also thrive for many generations to come, long after the architects of such systems are dead and buried. It also requires being able to step back from instinctual habits that, while they were likely useful in the wild, serve to hinder us during the civilization phase and, if left uncontrolled and unchecked, would also potentially lead to destruction. Our tribalism, our proclivity towards force or emotion over reason, our ability to be misguided by fear, and many other flaws of the human condition also derive from millions of years of evolution. This is why few out of our species achieve greatness, because most are ultimately limited by their own condition, while those who achieve greatness do so because they overcome those limitations by, among other things, their ability to step outside of the moment, and make the undertakings that few dare to. But in a way, it can perhaps be said that people achieve greatness by the ability to transform themselves. Again, where most are limited and, whether by choice or otherwise, fail to undertake the necessary transformation, great men and women have the capability to transform themselves, becoming almost akin to gods in the process. The truly great are not limited by the rational, superegoic drive or the instinctual. Often times rational thinking has its limits: after all, it’s not possible to survive as a purely rational being, it’s not healthy to be driven solely by the superego. But equally, we cannot afford to be driven solely by instinctual drives or the id. Hence the need for balance.

On a slight tangent before my next point, this is why I appreciate the philosophy of the Luciferian occultist Michael W Ford so much, because he stresses the ideal of balance. Yet when reading his books, it strikes me how often he focuses on the archetype of the Shadow, via the adversarial or Satanic archetypes (often via Ahriman; I notice the Zoroastrian lore, specifically Ahrimanic sorcery, is a big theme in his writings). He also focuses on Cain quite a bit. Given that Cain was most famous (or should that be infamous?) for that story in the Book of Genesis in which he murdered his brother Abel because Yahweh liked his meat sacrifice more than Cain’s vegetable sacrifice, at the very least it suggests more of a focus on the darker side, a bit ironic considering the emphasis on the balance in his own philosophy. For there to be a hard balance, we must have not just the Shadow, but the light.

From this I segue into the second point, on the morning star and its myth, and its identification with Jesus. The morning star, which is in fact the planet Venus, is the brightest object in the sky other than the Sun and the Moon. It may have been for this reason that its radiance as the morning star was used as a signifier of divinity approximate to a god, or the God. It was probably why Jesus is referred to in the Bible and elsewhere as the morning star, due to his radiance as an incarnation of God, indeed his son. Perhaps it is also why Jesus’ mother, the Virgin Mary, is herself referred to as the morning star by the Catholic Church. Or John the Baptist? Perhaps they brought about the light or day through their teachings? When the term was used to refer to the king of Babylon in the Book of Isaiah, there was a rather different context attached to it. The king was referred to as the morning star, perhaps in a derogatory fashion, because of his perceived ambition to make himself “Most High”, akin to the level of a god or God himself, during his condemnation. Perhaps his comes from Nebuchadnezzar’s conquest of the Israelites. In Ezekiel, a similar fate is alluded to for a king of Tyre, who was compared to an unnamed cherub who was once considered “the seal of perfection” before his pride led him to being condemned by God. It’s these associations that lead the morning star to become synonymous with Satan through the myth of his war with, and subsequent fall from, the heavenly host. In Christianity, it seems, the morning star has both positive and negative connotations. On the one hand it is the light of the day, perhaps symbolic of the light of God. On the other it is the symbol of arrogance and rebellious, “satanic” pride.

For better or worse, thanks to Christianity Jesus is the representation of what can be described as the principle of goodness within Western culture. This is not limited to simply Christians. Many secular cultural artifacts in the West treat Jesus in that basic light, just for cultural reasons rather than necessarily religious ones. In a society that has been influenced by Christian thought for well over a thousand years, Jesus represented the archetypal good, at least according to Christian thought. When you think about it, regardless of whether Jesus was a historical person, which I personally doubt, Christ is an archetype. While the Christ myth is not wholly ripped off from pagan stories as people like Peter Joseph and Bill Maher liked to claim back in the day, the story of a divine being who sacrifices himself only to resurrect, and then whose resurrection signifies a greater rebirth or salvation was doubtless adapted from, or at least influenced by, other stories in the pre-Christian world. Some have taken this to mean transformation into a greater self. Some classical myths have this theme as representing the loss and restoration of the earth’s fertility. I have to admit, on its own this doctrine is pretty benign. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad were it not for the doctrine of Christianity, or the personality of Jesus? Who knows.

So where precisely am I going with this? Well I thought about this idea, and I thought about the morning and evening star as phases of Venus when it changes position in the sky, and the myth of Ishtar’s descent into and return from the netherworld, and from there I thought, what if through a myth of the morning star Lucifer would not simply be a dual representation of the light and the shadow via his connection to Venus, and by extension its day and night faces (Vesper the evening star, after all, is but the shadow of Lucifer the morning star), but, in a way, an alternate representation of The Good. Or, perhaps, the Highest Good (if I’m paraphrasing the likes of Jordan Peterson correctly).

Remember what I said earlier about how in Western, or at least Christian, culture Jesus represented the ideal of the good to which to aspire to. Remember also the general archetype of the dying and rising deity surrounding the Christ archetype. Now consider the myth of Ishtar, one of the earliest deific images of the planet Venus, who journeyed into the underworld to meet the goddess Ereshkigal and rescue her husband Tammuz, only to find him alive and well in the surface, acting as though nothing happened, and sent him to the underworld for 6 months each year in retribution. This is thought to mirror the cycle of the morning star and evening star phases of Venus and how Venus “descends” below  the Sun only to reappear on another side. The morning/evening star cycle has been observed as follows: Venus appears as the morning star on the east side of the Sun for a period of time, then descends below the horizon, reappears on the other side of the Sun as the evening star, descends below the horizon again and returns to the east side, thus perpetuating a cycle. This is somewhat alluded to in Aztec mythological lore surrounding the deity Quetzalcoatl, the god of wind, wisdom and the planet Venus, as well as two deities who represent the morning and evening star aspects of the planet – Tlahuizcalpantecuhtli, the lord of the dawn, and Xolotl, a dog-faced deity who guarded the Sun on its journey through the underworld (much like who Set or Horus guarded the Egyptian sun deity during its own journey through the underworld) and guided the soul to the netherworld. Indeed, aside from the astronomical journey of Venus, Quetzalcoatl at one point does indeed go on his own journey through the netherworld, to gather the bones of the dead so that he could use them to rebuild the human race (based on the belief that human bones would give birth to new humans as though they were seeds) in order to populate a new world after the previous one was destroyed (in this case the fifth world after the fourth world, which is also this world after the last one).

This is how I envision a Luciferian archetype of Lucifer: Lucifer, the brightest star in the sky, descends to the underworld to gain its wisdom, or perform some quest where this is the outcome, returns from the underworld as the master of the kingdom of shadows, perhaps reemerging to the other side to bring fourth the light – hence the name Lucifer, as in light-bringer. To bring the rays of liberty and liberation, to achieve enlightenment, to expose the secrets of the realm of darkness, to make darkness conscious, to enact the greatest good, to make the quest for wisdom, to overcome one’s limits, and perhaps many other meanings. Traditionally, through his association with Satan by Christians, Lucifer is seen as a principally rebellious figure. Through this Luciferian lens, Lucifer becomes more than that. He becomes a heroic archetype, just a heroic archetype that is perhaps willing to be rebellious (at least, according to the Christian rules). His journey is an embodiment of both the embrace of the shadow side and the pursuit of the highest good. It would be a quest comparable to the other underworld journey quests of the mythical world: Ishtar’s descent, Quetzalcoatl’s bone quest, Ra’s quest to defeat Apep, Orpheus’ journey into Hades (and those of various Greek gods), even Jesus’s Harrowing of Hell to some extent. These are heroic quests. And here, the quest is a link between Lucifer, and the Luciferian, and the quest for meaning and the good. And where in Satanism the spiritual system centers around the archetype of the shadow, in Luciferianism, the shadow is simply part of the totality of the spiritual path, to be part of a hard balance struck between it and the light side of the self.

That is the organizing ideal I intend to pursue, meaning that I will lean more towards Luciferianism going forward. I intend to meditate on this much further, and then go on to as much practice as I kind within my limited schedule.

Phosphor & Hesper Circling Their Double Star by Harriet Hosmer

Happy new year

I have to say 2017 was, well, something. On a personal note, I’ve finished my third year of university, and as of October I began a fourth year as a Masters degree, and now I feel like I’m getting closer to an actual career path. Who knows, if I graduate in July I might still have to get a “dead-end” job so that I can get a steady source of income and work my way up, but I suppose that’s for some further discussion a little later.

On the world around me, my gods I’m still not sure if I want to call this year better or worse than the last year, and that’s partly because I’ve seen so many clusterfucks and so much pointless drama that it’s made my head spin. On the other hand, at least it serves to remind me to not trust political movements, because nearly all of them are shit. Isn’t that the weird thing about the West? For all our problems we’re pretty much the best region of the world to live in by almost any measure, and our politics is still almost all garbage. I guess you could say it’s not politics that makes a civilization great. Thank goodness for that.

I don’t want to go on a spiel about New Year’s resolutions, because it’s pointless. They don’t always pan out, and in fact they have a reputation for just being shirked after a month. However, I will say that I do have hopes for the next year, and ideas for how to improve going forward.

For one thing I could do with being a little less of a cynic, and be less apprehensive towards believing in things. This seems a bit ironic given that I feel like shitting on all movements politically, but of course I’m not talking about politics. Since I have a habit of underestimating myself, I need to believe in myself more, for one thing. And taking a cue from the Luciferian tradition I align myself with, I should consider, study and hopefully try to experience the power of belief; not in the gay-ass conventionally religious sense, but to not only believe that I can good but also have faith in my results, whatever they are – because hey, at least you can trust that. I need to spend less time thinking things through and more time doing things. And, I suppose, I need to “go with the flow” more. Sooner or later, I think positive change probably will come my way if I allow myself to embrace it, or just grab it by the ass at the right time, but I wouldn’t like to let myself get carried away regardless.

Anyways, Happy New Year to all my readers, and I hope you enjoy your lives this year. Just don’t expect too much activity from this blog after Sunday, because I’ll be back in university next week.

On the “Satanism is all about being a decent person” canard

It might surprise you to know that I don’t talk a great deal about my religion in public life, or at least not as much as you’d expect from an avowed Satanist. However, I occasionally do talk about Satanism to people who aren’t Satanists. I’ve even talked to friends of mine who happen to be Christians about the subject, and strangely enough the ones I’ve talked to aren’t nearly as judgmental as one might expect. When I talk about Satanism, I sometimes come across people who tell me about Satanists they know in their lives who have displeased them because they act in ways that lend to them being considered ignorant teenage edgelords. One argument they tell me they’ve come across from these people is the argument that Satanism is just about being rational and treating people with respect and “basic human values”, whatever that means – and sometimes I hear this argument from people who criticize Satanism as just atheism in a costume, citing invariably the tenets of The Satanic Temple (which is not even a Satanist, but rather an atheist organization pretending to be a Satanist one).

I’m just going to say this right out of the gate: Satanism is not as simple as “basic human values”. Anyone who tells you that it is is either grossly oversimplifying the tenets of Satanism, at least as defined by Anton LaVey, or is modelling his/her assessment of Satanism off of The Satanic Temple, which is literally just a satirical atheist political organization. Rather, at its very simplest, Satanism is about Satan: the archetype of, among other things, instinct, the carnal or “dark” aspects of Man – typically in opposition to forces that would seek its constraint or repression – the adversary, or simple the Shadow in the Jungian sense. For Satanists, that archetype is often represented by the Satan of John Milton – the angel who rejected God’s will, not favoring his yoke and instead seeking to rule his own kingdom (as in, “better reign to Hell than serve in Heaven”). As there are many versions of Satanism out there (no, Church of Satan, the rest of Satanism is not just edgy Christians looking to larp as devil worshipers), and given that many Satanists don’t typically expect other Satanists to just accept their own variation of the doctrine, every Satanist has a different way of interpreting this archetype, let alone what Satanism is. But if the essence of Satanism can be reduced to anything, it’s this archetype. The common theme to this archetype can best be described as the angel of the dark side who embodies the freedom of the self to pursue aspects of the self that are otherwise kept under lock and key by the superego, or proscribed by (typically) “the laws of God”. It doesn’t quite matter if you’re a more of a humanistic (for lack of a better word) for whom the point of Satanism is to put Man (via the human self) at the center, or if you’re a more theistic Satanist who worships Satan as a deity embodying what I described earlier, or if you’re one of those anti-cosmics who believes that Satan embodies liberation from the universe itself because it was supposedly created by the Demiurge. In some way, each form of Satanism presents its own take on the archetype, but it’s usually not too far away from the general idea (unless it’s in the form of a Satan that is basically just a substitute for the God you rejected).

As I said before, it’s also not a fluffy, liberal egalitarian religion at all. We believe that we’re all different, we recognize that the strong rule the weak and the clever rule the strong, and we try to pursue the idea of the master morality, through the lens of our dark archetype. We desire to be the strongest, the cleverest, the best, without the fetters of the Right Hand Path.

I don’t think I need to elaborate much further. I have already done lengthy posts on the subject of what Satanism is and isn’t and I will put links to all of them at the bottom if you want to read them. But I hope you get the picture. Satanism is not just “basic human values”, whatever you define them to be.

Anton LaVey in one of those classical Satanic ceremonies


What is authentic Satanic philosophy: https://mythoughtsbornfromfire.wordpress.com/2017/05/11/what-is-authentic-satanic-philosophy/

The Church of Satan vs The Satanic Temple: https://mythoughtsbornfromfire.wordpress.com/2017/05/20/the-church-of-satan-vs-the-satanic-temple/

Christmas/Yule 2017

The winter holidays aren’t over for me yet, I’ve still got a pretty long break ahead, but I have to say I’ve been feeling great this Christmas. One of the reasons for this is that, at last, I’ve started drinking. Sure, it’s just some gin mixed with other drinks so far, but I’m becoming pretty comfortable with the idea of drinking alcoholic beverages. That’s a long way from the way I used to be: not only a non-drinker, but someone who detested the very idea of drinking, because I feared the loss of control that would come with drunkenness. Now, it seems, I’ve crossed the threshold and abandoned that fear. And I’m telling you, I’ve been feeling great.

All I needed to get comfy with idea was to try some gin mixed with some other non-alcoholic drink, and it wasn’t a bad drink at all. But I didn’t start . At first I tried some red wine at Christmas Eve lunch, but it smelled and tasted horrible. After a few sips I couldn’t handle it. At my oldest brother’s where I had Christmas Day lunch, I tried some champagne that was apparently mixed with Ribena, and it didn’t smell as bad but it still tasted awful. Then, on the night of Christmas Day, I tried a can of gin and Schweppes that I bought with one of my brothers last week and meant to drink earlier, and I didn’t immediately want to spit it out after drinking it. That was definitely good, but the drink itself was also rather nice.

This particular aspect has, understandably, been treated with surprise. When I was at a family dinner yesterday and I said I wanted some gin to drink, my relatives were kind of surprised. My sister, for one, couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It wasn’t a condemnation or anything like that, and being that I’m well over 18 at this point there certainly wasn’t a sense that I was doing something that was socially unacceptable, but it was just kind of a shock. I can hardly blame anyone for the surprise. Here’s me, a guy who’s avoided drinking for nearly all of his life (except one time last year when one of my cousins made me a light alcoholic drink involving lemonade and beer, but for some reason I didn’t continue drinking after that until literally this week). By the way, the drink I ordered was rather nice. It was apparently a mixture of gin and cranberry juice that my folks suggested, since apparently pure gin wasn’t recommended, at least for me. Nonetheless, it had a nice taste to it.

Anyways, one of the ubiquitous truths of human nature is that we humans are pretty much creatures of habit, and that we’re very much a pattern-seeking species. We desire familiarity in the world around us, as this not only comforts us but also grounds us to the world so that we can make sense of it. When we establish patterns or habits for ourselves we always become predictable to others, who in turn establish patterns and familiarity. Often, when we change things about ourselves, including our appearance, it surprises people, changes their perception of us, and it can generate a bit of shock in people. It’s pretty mundane to be honest, to the point that it’s kind of obvious when you think about it, but it’s something that was really brought home to me when I told people I wanted a drink of gin.

It doesn’t matter too much in the end. I don’t drink all that much alcohol, and I’m still at a point where I’ve pretty much just decided I like it, but I feel good about myself, so I don’t care in the end.

Anyways, Merry Christmas, Merry Yule, Io Saturnalia, Happy Winter Mass, and a Happy New Year from me. Hope you enjoyed your Christmas and are still enjoying the holiday season.

Screw the Jedi!

(before we get into this I should specify immediately that this post will contain spoilers for Star Wars: The Last Jedi)

Recently I went to see the newest installment of the Star Wars films, titled Star Wars: The Last Jedi. On the whole, the film was a mess, with no shortage of plot armor to cover for how incompetent the heroes (and the villains) tend to be within the events of the story (PS: LEIA SHOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED BEING LEFT FOR DEAD IN A FUCKING VACUUM. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?), on top of what seems to be an implicit and pallid “women rule” message. But what stuck out for me the most was how undermined as a concept the Jedi are in the film.

Putting aside the fact that they’re nearly wiped out in the events before the previous film, The Force Awakens, and how in the current film the Resistance seems to be undermined, despite the First Order’s own incompetence during the films events, let’s draw attention to the fact that when Rey asks Luke to train her to become a real Jedi, he chucks his own lightsaber to the side and repeatedly refuses Rey’s request. He points out that when the Jedi took control during the age of the Republic, the Jedi constantly failed because of their arrogance and hubris, and due to certain intrinsic flaws within the Jedi teachings, and that this allowed the rise of the Sith, who damn near destroyed the Jedi Order, and the fall of the Republic. It is somewhat vague within in the film, but there seems to be the suggestion that the Jedi Order had specific defects and flaws that the Jedi Order never resolved because they were too full of themselves to do it.

And then things take a rather juicy turn, when it’s revealed that when Luke tried to murder Kylo Ren (one of the main antagonists), back when he was known as Ben Solo, during his Jedi training because he thought that his heart was already lost to the Sith via the influence of Snoke, the alien the runs the First Order, and that it was too late to bring him out of this influence –  an idea that would later be undermined by the fact that, later in the film, Kylo suddenly kills Snoke by turning on Rey’s lightsaber, which just so happened to be conveniently placed next to Snoke’s body, through force manipulation. Luke didn’t go through with killing Ben, in fact he stopped in the middle of it because he realized it was a dumb idea, but he was still dumb enough to not turn off his lightsaber before Ben woke up to see what he was doing and come to the conclusion that Luke was trying to kill him. But even then, just consider the fact that killing Ben was the first option that crossed his mind. Because Luke was unconvinced that Ben could be reformed, despite supposedly being a master Jedi and all who you’d think would try to find a way of changing his mind, you have a situation where Luke is basically an attempted murdered – likely child murderer at that, considering Ben was pretty much just a kid. That’s not discrediting the Jedi way at all, surely?

After all that, you begin to see why Luke is so pessimistic towards the Jedi in the film, to the point that he decides to just burn the old Jedi texts. At this point the ghost of Yoda, Luke’s former teacher, appears before him for some unexplained reason, and tells him that Luke had become too attached to the old Jedi texts, which he basically describes as boring. He then pointed out that Rey, in keeping with her Mary Sue archetype as established in The Force Awakens, pretty much learned all of the essential components of the Jedi doctrine and teachings regarding the Force much faster than Luke did because for some reason Rey is fucking Jesus, and because of that the Jedi texts that Luke attached himself to were essentially useless, all before before he casually summons some lightning to strike the old Jedi Tree in order to burn it to the ground, so as to effectively destroy the former continuity of the Jedi order. I have seen much commentary on this scene, with many people taking it as a symbol of the value of letting go of the past. But honestly, if I take anything from this, it’s that if Yoda is right, the masters of the Jedi religion overestimated the value of their teachings, given that it could all be mastered be someone who is, literally, nobody. I’m not kidding. What is Rey’s personality exactly beyond “I’m inexplicably good at everything because that’s what the plot says”? Why does she do the things that she does? She’s just a blank slate. She’s nobody, as Kylo Ren accurately points out when he tried to convince her to join his side as the new ruler of the galaxy after Snoke’s death. And that’s presumably the person bearing the torch of the Jedi flame after Luke dies (which he does at the end of the movie). That’s the person who learned all of the Jedi teachings faster than Luke did.

To be honest, the way Luke explains The Force to me is pretty intriguing: as something between life and death and all those other opposites. It also kind of makes me think that the conception of the light and dark side of The Force in the Star Wars universe is pretty much pointless, a point that Luke himself admits to when he says that the idea that the Force does not exist without the light as a vanity. Though this is probably a broader point, if The Force is this thing that’s between all things and all opposites as explained by Luke, what’s the point of the light side and the dark side? The Jedi religion is a joke.

The Jedi tree on the planet Ahch-To, which is eventually destroyed by Yoda

Maybe I should stop caring

Some time last year I started watching Styxhexenhammer666, and one of his videos that I took a liking to was his video titled Be Not Afraid. The basic message of the video, as he sums up, is not to take life so seriously. Sometimes I feel as though I am too conscientious in my actions, and university really tends to bring this out in me. I still have yet to truly get past the fear of losing control. And, on a somewhat unrelated tangent, there are still moments where the mind is occupied by contemplations of eternity, and the existential dread that follows it.

Yet what should I find these days but reasons for either apathy, indifference, laid-backness or serenity?

In university, I find that I’m always getting the work done, even if it’s not at the pace that I’d like, and I’m getting good marks for it. And while others tend to put off the written assignments until later, I spend the duration of a given academic term slowly, but surely, getting the work done. And for me it’s not that I can work without pressure. On the contrary, I would argue that I can feel the pressure to complete even the smallest thing within each milestone, which for me is typically every week, which is no less than the next phase of progression for me. And if I get the master’s degree right, and properly establish the path to a sustainable career, I could go from my university degree to a career in the game’s industry (which in my case seems to involve a lot of creative writing). So while my conscientiousness seems to be doing me good, I could probably do with a more relaxed stance because it seems to me like things are going fine.

In life, I’m approaching a mindset regarding the nature of the world, or at least a mindset to aspire to. Put this way: you have no way of knowing what lies in wait for you once the maws of death drag you out of your mortal coil. The only thing I’m certain of it’s probably not the kinds of heavens and hells we thought of thousands of years ago. I find no sensible reason to think we live in a simulation, but even if we do what makes us think we’re going to get out of it? What makes us think we’re going to transcend The World (as people of a Gnostic mindset might think)? There’s the world/cosmos you live in, all things bright and shit, and for all you know the abyss at the end of it, maybe a pagan underworld if you’re lucky, goodness forbid reincarnation turns out to be true. You probably don’t even have as much certainty about the reality you live in as you would like to believe. But what’s the point of thinking about it other than, maybe, try to desensitize the psyche to the inevitable existential dread that arrives on your doorstep now and then? So just go with the flow. Or perhaps, go with your flow. Just focus on living your life for yourself, as I have believed things should be, pursue your worldly goals and, perhaps, find your true will or whatever, and don’t waste too much time dwelling on much else. Look at the world for what it is,  which is arguably a kind of Hell, and then get over it somehow. All in all I suppose I can only hope a little alcohol, and some spirituality, actually helps.

And that’s another thing, if I factor that in, how long will it be before I successfully conquer my longstanding fear of losing control. Either that or I find a way to get on top of most things and just make that fear redundant.

I feel it’s worth mentioning politics and political/cultural movements for a bit, because I’ve been paying attention and its another reason for some of this desire to just not care. Ever since the middle of 2016 I’ve been doing some soul-searching in the political department -rethinking the way I actually relate to the political environment in the West and so forth – and I’ve come to understand my place in things a little better. Unfortunately, I’m also bitterly disappointed with almost every movement out there. Most movements today are incompetent, vapid, stupid, pretentious, or worse. Some of them are actively morally corrupt, to the point that it’s probably better to be either apolitical or dead rather than join them. The ones I like have also fallen prey to this. I have for instance seen conservatives gain considerable opportunity with the downfall of progressivism, only to waste the wind they have been given obsessing with the culture war and acting like the same old insufferable boomer conservatives I hated before 2016. At this very moment, they’re acting like Donald Trump just saved Christmas simply by being in office this year. Libertarians, the movement that for a long time I loosely identified with, I abandoned because I’ve seen them simply give into madness by embracing anarcho-capitalism at the core of their movement; and the ones who aren’t doing this have decided to either leave libertarianism in favor of the alt-right, or embrace some kind of “libertarian fascism” or “anarcho-monarchism” or some stupid meme ideology concocted by the far-right to salvage some sense libertarian identity that can be cohabited with their reactionary and racialist tendencies. I won’t even get into the situation the Libertarian Party of America is in (except, perhaps, in a separate post). And liberals? They have almost no intention of reform outside of online circles, wherein this is limited to the laziness I have seen from the “skeptic community”, which has degenerated in a cesspit of pointless drama and a race to pwn their opponents. What’s worse, I find out that even people like Jordan Peterson (who despite his Christian leanings I did have some respect for), after spending so much time explicating the importance of freedom of speech (which I agree with him on), barred a former Rebel Media journalist named Faith Goldy from attending a free speech event because, of all reasons, she was just “too hot for us” – this, coming from the man who was already a walking controversy over the Bill C-16 issue. No one in my view who has looked at this development can judge it as anything other than pathetic.

Oh and don’t forget the actual political situation we’re dealing with; particularly here in the UK where my government seems intent on half-baking the whole leaving the European Union thing, or in America where every god damn minute is spent dreaming of some bullshit way of getting Trump out of office while the revolution proves a little more underwhelming than anticipated, or in Europe, especially Germany where they apparently can’t even form a government.

In short, politics is a clusterfuck. A clusterfuck that, to me, is destined to drive any sane person into the arms of nihilism (a fact that nearly all of the people who cry about Man’s descent into nihilism dare not concede). And that’s not getting into all the conspiracy theories I’ve had to put up with, which, frankly, it’s better that we don’t touch on.

So to cap it all off: yes, I feel like I’ve seen a lot that is convincing me to care less and less. I just hope I follow through with that mentality, shed some of my attachment to all of this, and stop taking life seriously entirely. Then, maybe then, the beauty of chaos can flow through and truly be appreciated, and life can make enough sense for it to be a rapture in spite of all things bright and shit.