Bloody puritans

People over the weekend have been talking about the fall of Donald Trump, with top Republicans joining the chorus of outcry over a recent scandal of his. What scandal could that be you might ask?

Was he found making deals with black markets? Was it discovered that he had affair? Was he found molesting children? Was it discovered that he was part of some secretive cabal of murderous elite businessmen seeking to establish some kind of New World Order?

No. It was a tape from 2005 about how he talked about how if you’re rich and famous enough women will let you grab them by the pussy. That’s it. And no, he wasn’t caught admitting to sexual assault either. It was just Trump being a braggart. And for that, the media decided to crucify him more than ever? For that, Republicans and conservatives turn against him? Actually, I’m not surprised about the latter part. Typical conservatives. But I digress, Trump’s campaign is over because of this?

I’ve seen the second presidential debates, and only after the first question Hillary Clinton uses that pathetic excuse of a scandal as a means of painting Trump out to be a monster, and somehow say that these tapes paint Trump as he truly is. They don’t. They show nothing more than a bunch of braggadocio from 11 years ago! And then, by the end of the debate, Hillary had the nerve to sing praises of Trump’s children and then claim that they say a lot about Trump. Even though she accuses Trump of being nothing short of a total monster, she tries to claim that he is a great father and you can’t claim that someone is both a complete monster and a great father. It disgusts me how dishonest this whole thing is.

Everyone seems quite fine to demonize Trump over the tapes for being so lurid, whilst it embraces a pop culture that I would argue is pretty sexualized to some degree, and yet despite this society cannot actually be open about human sexuality without imposing high-minded ideals upon it – whether those ideals come from some God in heaven or from some secular ideology (or ideologies) that proposes cultural authoritarianism in the name of progress or social justice. And all the while, Bill Clinton seems to be getting off the hook by the mainstream media, despite having an alleged history of actual sexual assault and not bragging about grabbing pussy. It’s to the point that his alleged victims are actually called tramps on national television to the sound of applause! Bill Cosby Clinton can apparently harass and assault a number of women, but Donald Trump merely talks about grabbing people by the pussy and everyone is outraged. Talking about scoring in some jockish fashion is a monstrous evil and a sign of being and evil person for someone running for the office of President, but actually raping people let alone actual adultery is not. Frankly, I am taken aback at the way people think these days.

It just reminds me of my hatred for popular morality regarding sex, and how much I want to see it burn down, along with the hypocrisy that surrounds it.

Advertisements

Opposing Man’s war against the flesh

I recently came across a study from the American Psychological Association that states that the fear of porn addiction causes more psychological distress or harm than actual porn consumption. I saw an article related to the study that seemed to imply that our attitudes towards sex in general are part of the problem, and I saw some of the comments for the article where students seemed to show images where they illustrate their habits regarding watching porn, and they seemed trepidatious, like they were nervous about what they were doing and acted accordingly. They would watch porn, but they would still treat it like it was something perverted, shameful, or embarrassing, and I suppose in fairness that’s probably because they think it clashes with the familiar values of other people (perhaps authority figures). I began to feel like something was wrong. I felt like I have had tendencies to worried too much about my own personal urges and get myself down because I live without a partner with whom to share pleasure with, and worry about the effect that would have on my future life, when in fact anxiety is the real problem. And when I saw the way students expressed their attitudes towards their own porn consumption, it felt like that same cautiousness could be all too familiar in my own life. As someone who believes in liberal attitudes towards sex, I feel like the nervous attitude towards sex held by the human species is something that has to be fought and opposed indefinitely, and any worries must be cast into fire.

I write this because I want to speak against mankind’s pitiful war against its own flesh, senses, and urges. We are living in an age where we still treat pornography as a bogeyman because of our own attitudes towards sex in general. I feel the modern world tends to view sex as normal but at the same time dirty. People still tend to think of sex as a tawdry and alien thing, something that corrupts and devalues individuals, and I think this is part of the basis for why we demonize pornography. We see sex as degrading, dehumanizing, and devaluing, so we view pornography as degrading thing accordingly. There are those who treat pornography and sexual desire as being the corruptor of youth and the human mind, but I think it is they who should look in the mirror. Sexual desire is healthy, it’s a part of human being! Denying this, fearing this, is unhealthy, and it is the fear of sexuality that makes people less healthy, less happy, and more poisoned, twisted, and warped. The people who want to clamp down on human desire should look at themselves in the mirror because if they do, they might find that THEY are the corruptors of the human mind and youth. The fear of sex leads to the unwillingness to explore sexual desire, the unwillingness to embrace it, and the unwillingness to embrace education, which is a big problem for every successive generation of the human species because then each generation will know nothing about sex at all and that will cause so much problems for our species.

Most people attribute this to the influence of monotheistic religion and conservative values in mass culture and the minds of human beings, and I suppose there’s little point in denying that because those beliefs are the ones that teach sex is bad and those beliefs are the ones that people have been indoctrinated into believing in for centuries. But I think even if monotheistic religion falls, the idea of the bogeyman of sexual desire will live on in the feminism that has refused to abandon the tropes borrowed from monotheistic religion. Or perhaps, it will be nurtured by liberal political correctness as it is now. Either way, I feel that by rebelling against the anxiety of the masses and by the fighting of the doubt and anxiety the individual may feel within, humans will be able save themselves and our species from its own hopeless and damaging war against the flesh. If the common attitude towards sexual desire does not change, then I am certain the individual will not be the only one at stake. Not just because of the principle of liberty being desecrated, but because our attitude towards our own desire can affect everyone, including the next generation.

Sexual hypocrisy

This is probably just me, but I swear modern people have some hypocrisy regarding their agenda or attitudes towards human sexuality. Whenever I hear someone complaining about sexual or sexy imagery in our culture and in advertising, it’s always directed at the female body, and images of the female body that are deemed unrealistic, but I have not heard anyone raise a voice of complaint against images of the male body that fall under the same category. I swear that in advertising the male body is more obviously flaunted than the female, and somehow it’s more acceptable for women to ogle men than man to ogle women, when both are natural and should be treated as such.

Also, I don’t mean to sound like I’m the wrong crowd, but I feel like we are defending everybody’s sexuality except that of men who like women. Men who like women are always made out to be pigs, and the idea of the attractive woman is treated as the representation of a victim because apparently all men are pigs and their sexual urges are evil. We think we’re protecting women by treating them as victims for being sexual beings and being seen through sexual eyes by other sexual beings, but all we’re doing is enforcing the idea that sex is ugly and exists only to be predatory.

All just another symptom of our detachment from our sexual nature, which is of course caused by the dominance of Christianity. But hey, that’s kind of another story.

Love and a Tantric kind of alchemy

Once again I feel like referring to my late holiday, specifically the wedding party I attended on Saturday of two weeks ago. I found myself seated at a table with one of my brothers and two of my cousins plus their respective boyfriends. We sat down in conversation about an array of subjects, and one of them was the subject of love and relationships.

One of the guys, naturally, asked if I had a girlfriend and I told him that I didn’t, along with my general predicament. To me delight, I found they were rather supportive and assured me that the time will come. We both discussed the idea of negativity melting away in love and intimacy and the power of love to bring our darkest desires to brightest places. Desires are thus not suppressed or sublimated, but rather they are directed towards, or transmuted into, joy and bliss. As soon as we got to that point, I mentioned that this was the principle of Tantra, in which so-called sinful desires and essences can become bliss, joy, even enlightenment.

It was very interesting for me to think of it that way, because at least there is a viable connect to Hindu and Buddhist ideas. It means allowing my self to experience a transformation pertaining to my desires without surrendering my desires. It offers a new perspective, that we should keep our desires so that they may grow into bliss and be directed towards greater dignity, love, and joy.

Of course, this can only be an experiential phenomenon. I can try to imagine it but I still long for the experience of it. I cannot take comfort in a mere theoretical analysis of such a phenomenon.

Porn is not a role model

I saw an art gallery space that dealt with porn and self-image that deals with the idea that kids aged 12-14 are watching porn and being influenced by it, specifically how the artist felt it was lowering their self-esteem and confidence in their bodies. Truth be told the space seemed to be more about gender images enforced onto children (though “adult” images are included), nonetheless it inspired a reaction in my mind.

The immediate thing that bugged me is the idea that kids these days are actually watching porn. While it is true that, in theory, kids could practically access porn on the internet without the proper parental controls in place, but where is the evidence that kids are actually watching porn, let alone on a large scale that would be implied by the likes of The Daily Mail? Not only that, but how can you be sure that kids actually search for porn or know to search for it. And how do you know your kids actually know what they’re seeing, or are traumatized by it at all? They might be confused, but they’ll never have any idea what’s going on or care until they turn into teenagers. There’s simply no evidence.

And then we have gender images. Yes, children are conditioned into ideas of gender and how to be a man or a woman through the media, but if you think about it, a lot of that is because of the parents. I mean think about it, the parents raise children around gender norms and roles almost from birth, and they are usually the ones who expose children to those images and buy they them things to fulfil them. So if you think about it, who’s making children conform to gender norms and images: the media, or the parents?

And then there’s puberty. In a teenagers life there’s all sorts of things going on that could make them feel down in the dumps, or generally different from how they were as kids. A rough patch in their parents’ relationship, a change of schools, not to mention puberty itself. How do you know those aren’t the things making teens feel bad about themselves? How do you know porn is all that traumatising, especially for teenagers who are aware by now that they have private parts? Do you think they don’t notice until they’re 18? Hell no. And how do you assume that teens access some of the most graphic and hardcore stuff around just because they can, regardless of the fact that not everyone is interested in such niche fetishes?

But now let’s move on to the issue of self-esteem. Let’s say kids are looking at porn and feeling bad about themselves. Let’s say you’re 12-14 years old and you’re worried that you haven’t had sex, or that your body isn’t like the bodies of porn stars, or that your member isn’t big enough. If you are then let me ask you something: what the hell are you thinking? Are kids actually basing their self-esteem on what they see in porn? If they are, then of course they might feel bad about themselves, but if that’s true then the real solution is to teach young people not to build their self-esteem around made-up images, not to get rid of pornography for reasonable adults. This is not the result of “the moral fabric of society breaking down”, this is the result of adults keeping pubescent kids in the dark.

Pornography is fantasy in the same sense that movies are: even though they may be portrayed by real people, it’s still faked. No matter how arousing the scenarios might be, it’s important to remember that this isn’t real. And if you young people are basing their self-esteem on porn, unrealistic pornographic scenarios, and on acting out scenarios and being like the porn stars, then that’s the problem, not porn.

The problem is that we’re not teaching young people not to base their self-esteem on gender images, or porn if their watching it, and we don’t seem to be encourage young people to talk about these things to their parents and school counsellors, not just the internet, so that they can get the advice, knowledge, and support that they need. Instead, most people left and right are looking for scapegoats, something to shut away and get rid of in the vainglorious hope that all will be right, and our politicians and our media are rolling with it. The problem was never porn. The problem is ignorance.

Of course, with the art space I found, at least one say the artist is engaging debate about the subject, and getting us to actually think about the subject, which if we’re very honest is something we need. At least it’s not another Daily Mail campaign.

Lust, love, relationships, depression, and angst

Yesterday I’ve been feeling very sad, and I even cried a little, while doing some retrospective editing on the blog. I was thinking about lust and love, my past and present attitudes towards them, how no one taught me anything when I became a teenager, and how I have had not fulfilled my desires (love included). It all made me feel depressed for a while, for many reasons.

I thought about how things in the past were influencing foolish ideas in me and casanova fantasies, despite that all I really wanted was a girlfriend who would accept me for who I am, support me, and help me fulfil my desires, and whom I would love back for all of that. When I was younger I was being conditioned and kept in a bubble against the more mature and darker aspects of the world that I would now glamorize. This also meant a kind of artificially created naivety regarding sex that came from the bubble, and when my mom tried to teach me anything when I was 13-14, I was a scared off and my mom gave up on me. In high school we only got one sex education class, and whatever lessons it offered were never reinforced. Don’t be confused, I know the score, but no thanks to the people around me who were supposed to teach me when I was becoming a teenager. Anyways, not one person taught me anything substantial about relationships back when I could have needed it when I was 13-16 years old. Don’t people know that you’re supposed to talk to young people about these things, and in a frank and open manner? Of course in recent years I’ve been learning about handling relationships (no thanks to my parents, school, or TV), but this is because I have friends who I can trust. Can you imagine how things would be for me if I learned from family at a younger age and they hadn’t given up on me?

Reflecting on it, I felt like my suffering was really the fault of the environment I was in, the bubble they were raising around me, and the attitudes towards sex present in the society I live in, which were either prudish, stuck-up, nervous, preachy, or condescending (or at least that’s how I felt, but even today I don’t trust society’s attitudes). I felt like my anguish and loneliness what not have been there if it weren’t for that. But then, I can’t put all the blame on the outside world and people around me. After all, in this case, there’s plenty of the blame that rests with myself. I mean think about it: when I was 13-14 years old, I was reclusive, I hardly trusted anyone around me, much less people in general. I wanted most people to leave me alone (though I didn’t have that attitude towards immediate classmates). I was wary of people’s obnoxiousness a lot, and was put off by other guys being obnoxious and seemingly thick-headed and oafish or brutish. I could tell I was nothing like them nor did I want to be that way.. I trusted my parents and family members even less (except for my brother with whom I was still usually friends with), same with most grown-ups. I just wanted to be in my own world and be happy there, and I felt like everyone was trying to drag me out of it for no good reason. To me it seemed like the adults who tried to help me were always so forceful and chaperone-ish, even if for all I knew they probably weren’t (or at least didn’t try to be that way). Who I am as you know it may have found its way to the outside world, but I think I was only comfortable expressing it at home or with a few trusting people. And of course, only a few people understood my feelings or even cared. And of course, I was pretty susceptible to either foolish ideas or foolish interpretations of good ideas, that or I just didn’t think on the same level of what we might call maturity as I do now. Thank gods I didn’t actually get to the point where I’d be breaking hearts everywhere I went.

The entire picture made be pretty damn depressed yesterday, thinking about how I and the world around me ruined things for me them by keeping me in the dark and by me staying reclusive and private, and how lack of education and openness about the things that really mattered to me as a young person (and still matter today) has scarred me personally. Now these scars might be healing, or if not they will soon, I still keep a youthful spirit or try to do so, I still have my lust, and as I keep saying a million times, I still support casual sex, lustful desires, sexual permissiveness and people’s right to choose their lifestyles, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in that time about these things and I don’t reckon I’ll be thinking about them the same way.

And by the way, let the word be be known: sex education is important for young people, no doubt about it, and don’t give up on them, otherwise they end up as ignorant wrecks, and they may not regret it immediately, but they will soon. We as people must never forget to teach our youth that sex and lust aren’t evil, and how to handle sex, love, and relationships.

Promiscuity

The idea of being a rascal may appeal to both lust and a fondness of female company, and because of this I have often fantasized about it. But these days it seems to me like little more than a delightful fantasy, although maybe a little less delightful and less of a satisfying feeling. Why? Because the fantasy does not relate to my experiences, or even my desires.

Think about it, if I want love from a person, and that person could offer all that I could ever want, then what’s the point of desiring to have the same luck a rock star might get? Come to think of it, that could of fortune is tantalizing and fun but it doesn’t relate to my feelings, my fortune, or a bottom line of mine. As of late, the life embodied by the Charlie Sheens of the world seems unworthy, beyond my reality, and useless in the face of actual love, and above all, after review regarding my own character, actually unlike my own character. I can be lustful, sure, but I have many characteristics that the womanizer doesn’t have. For starters I’m not suave, I have no interest in solely the material, and I’m capable of seeing that there is all manner of lust that can be fulfilled with only one partner. And what would it be worth if all you’d do is give everyone the false image that you see women as objects to be use, and to top it of you’d never be able to convince anyone to shake that off of people and convince them you actually see them as people. Besides, it’s all too complicated. Wouldn’t a good relationship be simple?

And say you were a lethario? How are you sure anyone would care about your actual personality and what you had to say about the world? Only someone who loves you and you actually love would care, and good luck finding that while being devious. That’s another thing: think about the word devious for a minute. It out and out implies underhandedness towards women, and my entire life I’ve hated that.

I would still support sexual permissiveness, freedom of choice of lifestyle, and openness and open-mindedness in our social culture, but here I talk about personal fantasies, desires, and what would actually work for me.