A much needed addendum to Bright Darkness

Two years ago I wrote a very short post about the concept of “bright darkness”. Looking back on it, it sucked. It was barely a paragraph long, and didn’t do anything to elaborate on the concept. Back then, I had very little concept of what bright darkness could be other than it having something to do with the carnal self, particularly in its enjoyable form. But now, I think I may have gained a different perspective on it.

I think bright darkness might be something that is both light and dark at the same time. Try to imagine light and darkness coming together, not fused and dissolved into a singular void essence, or rather like when you mix two paints together and they make a single color, but rather mixed together like when you put two Starbursts together into a ball (for lack of a better example). Put another way, it is much like a fusion of the brighter and the darker aspects of the human self. The righteous and morally concerned side of the human self, mixed with the carnal and indulgent side of the human self. I have always felt that the traditional representations of brightness and light and the representations for the dark and the demonic fit quite well together from an aesthetic point of view (except in cases where light is too clean and white and dark is too morbidly black). Maybe that’s part of perceiving bright darkness.

I think there could be other terms for it as well, like shining darkness (derived from the Shivatoshini), Black Light (borrowed from the teachings of Ayn al-Qozat Hamadani), or my own suggestions dark light, dark starlight, or black starlight. It could relate to the concept of the Black Flame itself. It could also be part of Baphomet’s symbolism, since Baphomet is a symbol that brings all opposites together without dissolving their essential characteristics at the same time. I’d also like to mention the ideas of Michael W. Ford once again (whom personally I seem to be a growing fan of) tend to present the perspective that while the infernal power of desire is the motivator of human existence, it can be lead in positive directions, or that bringing the “angelic” energies together with the infernal can lead to unlimited possibilities for the self. His works identify a spiritual focus as well as a material or carnal focus, and the spiritual focus is sometimes referred to as celestial or empyrean.

Now here’s the thing about the word empyrean. It refers to the concept of the highest heaven, which was thought to be associated with fire and thought to contain the pure element of fire. The word itself means “in the fire”. I am thinking: could the Black Flame basically be the heavenly flame fused with the power of darkness, and bright darkness the name of the quality of the Black Flame itself? This also translates well into the symbolism of my alter ego: black referring to the powers of darkness, and red being the flame. Of course white tends to work better for the heavenly element, and red tends to represent desire and passion. Who knows, maybe the fact that empyrean refers to fire is why I have some affinity towards some images of the bright and the divine across the religions of mankind (though a lot less of Christian and Islamic imagery) as well as images of the sun and its light, and its effect on the environment and how it makes everything brighter.

Fire, light, darkness, chaos, Satan, and God

In Hindu belief, the Aum is the symbol of divine energy and creative force, which is believed to be permeate the entire universe.

Lately I have been thinking a couple of things, about some new ideas about Satan, Chaos, God, light and darkness, and a great fire, and it has been difficult to express these things.

Let’s start with God. I feel like I am seeing that God is something that can be interpreted differently by different people, and how we interpret God in a way shapes our belief system, and this includes both the left and right hand paths. Personally I feel that the concept of God as a single deity that creates, rules, and operates the universe is a mistake. It doesn’t matter if that deity is Jehovah, Allah, Vishnu, or even Shiva, or Satan that matter, and it doesn’t matter if the belief system is theistic or anti-theistic, right-handed or left-handed, it still means falling for a kind of ignorance because the conception of God being employed is erroneous, and it kind of risks a victim mentality depending on how you take it. I think if God is anything it is a divine spark of creation within each of us, Creator in Man rather than Creator above.

Then we have Chaos. I think that the divine spark I mentioned (or God) could be pure, raw, undisciplined energy, perhaps even calling back to my earlier definitions of Chaos (which might not have been so skewed after all). And as long as chaos is pure energy, perhaps light and darkness are forms of that energy, with Chaos being between them as the purest state of energy. Who knows? There could be a lot that is based on the energy of Chaos, like emotion, ecstasy, bliss, what we feel in the senses, righteous feeling and fervor, our very instincts themselves.

Now I finally get to say something about what Satan is. If light and darkness are phases of the same energy, then Satan surely must be the symbol of the dark side of that force, the carnal side. And for the light side of that energy, I would pick either Shiva or Lucifer to represent it (the latter inspired by a conversation with Tadashi), or even Amun Ra. If Shiva isn’t the light side, then he could still represent a certain aspect of that energy, like the male to the female of Shakti. Gods in general can be symbolic of states of energy, in addition to my own being. Despite my identity as a Satanist, I am concerned about having Satan refer to everything in the universe because I feel it doesn’t fully make sense. It’d be hardly different from making Jehovah (or should that be El) the god of everything, and we all know about that story. Personally I think the Baphomet, while it’s not actually a symbol of Satan, could refer to all phases of the energy of Chaos, and it probably still wouldn’t be the symbol of all. God? The Aum. Chaos? Energy is its own symbol, and it’s usually better to feel energy.

This is the closest I’ve gotten to being sure about this whole thing, enough at least to write a blog post, and I still feel I am not so sure. I personally lament not being fully conclusive on this, having all the answers I need. It would be best to just do what works for me, but I ain’t sure yet what works for me. Frankly, what if there’s not just one energy?

Maybe my problem is dealing with what relates to reality too much but what if it’s just my spiritual reality, my truth?

The rich symbolism of my alter ego

Over a month ago I have been writing about my alter ego character in a notebook. Apparently I’ve given him a lot of rich symbolism pertaining to his character and his purpose in the world he is a part of. I write about my character on this blog for the pleasure of it, and because I feel the stuff I have written has been insightful enough that it merits mention. I have been working on this character for a long time, and through this time I have also found things about myself and my beliefs, so this character is very important to me. And I apologize in advance if it’s too long for you to read.

First, some background: He is a warrior, adventurer, treasure hunter, and protector of the world he lives in from the  has the power of fire; both the fire that brings light and the fire of demons. He also has the ability to stay underwater as long as he wants so that he can swim like a free spirit beneath the waters, can eat a lot without getting fat, he has red eyes glowing in the dark, can open up a third eye for discovering hidden presences and pathways, and is abundant in spiritual energy. He can also access a kind of demonic super form. His birthmark is the Aum symbol written as a Siddham letter. He uses the powers associated with Satan and Chaos for the sake of righteous and heroic cause, and he always tries to do what’s right but also what he pleases. He’s a passionate, confident, and energetic young man who manages to never lose his youth, but he has a soft side if brought out by the right people, and lives in both indulgence and honor. Although he is also an intense and emotional character, he never seems to brood. He fights not out of any sense of duty or obedience, but out of his own instincts and because he wants to do it and believes in his actions. He’s basically a lot like me, or the kind of life I want to live. He’s one with that force of passion and chaos, and the primal fires, and he lives as a warrior with heat and light in his heart and the fabric of his being. He also shares my own ideas and beliefs, naturally, and looks like me except his look is perfectly executed. Aside from fighting and adventuring, he likes to eat, swim, love, treasure hunt, and rock, and he seems to get along well with wild animals.

Now that that’s over with, the symbolism and meaning that has become attached to the character.

Exhibit 1 – The birthmark

As I just mentioned, his birthmark is the Aum written in Siddham script. According to Hindu belief, the Aum represents infinite energy, God, and the divine. It also representsthe cycle of  life, death, and rebirth from Hindu belief, as representing by each phoneme A, U, and M respectively, though there is also A for life and Um (or Un) for death. The latter is represented by two varieties of Japanese temple guardians: the komainu (lion-dogs), and the Kongorikishi (wrath-filled muscular guardians of the Buddha). In both cases, one has its mouth open and the other has its mouth closed. The open mouth is A, and the closed mouth is Un or Um, which together mean life and death.

It’s meant to connect to the characters abundant personal energy, a trait which was also inspired by Ichigo Kurosaki from the anime Bleach. May also represent a connect with timeless energy and force. It’s also meant to denote my alter ego’s role as the protector of his own world. Take from that what you will…

Exhibit 2 – The colors red and black

Alex’s two colors are red and black, which naturally are also my favorite colors. To many, they mean either evil or anarchism, but those connotations are not present here. It started with Shin Megami Tensei, where they were the colors of the Chaos faction, which I aligned with, and they were also colors of another favorite video game character, Shadow the Hedgehog (who I freely confess made machine guns look cool). But since then more symbolism got attached to it.

In Balinese folklore, red, black, and white are the colors associated with a powerful witch demon Rangda, who was believed to be the queen of demons. Rangda’s colors are also attached to Kali, the Hindu goddess of time, change, destruction, and power, and Rangda is also believed to have been linked with Kali and Durga, the latter of which was the warrior mother goddess of victory over evil. Funny enough, while Rangda is seen in Balinese folklore as an evil demon, she was also seen as a protector in some parts of Bali, similar to Kali’s occasional representation as a protective goddess.

The demon queen Rangda

Speaking of demons, in Buddhist lore, the asuras (borrowed from Hindu lore) are depicted as red-skinned and the rakshasas (also Hindu in origin) are depicted with black skin, and both are vicious demons who, in Japan, were also tasked with protecting the Buddhist law. In Christian-influenced Western belief, Satan and his demons are commonly represented by the colors red and black, presumably because of their connection with sin, evil, lust, aggression, mystery, and darkness. It’s probably because of this that red and black have become so attached with Satanism (after all, it wouldn’t be Satanism without any conception of Satan now would it?). But there is still so much more to red and black here than just demons and Satan. In fact, the chief symbolism here is actually from Taoism.

In Taoism, there are the two natural principles of yin and yang, yin being the dark, passive, and mysterious principle, and yang being the bright, assertive, and magnetic principle. Yin is black and yang is white, but yang has also been represented as red, presumably because red represents qualities attached to the yang principle. Anyways, for Taoist belief, yin and yang must exist in harmony and as complimentary forces and do not exist as opposites that must triumph over each other. With that in mind, the key meaning is formed. Red means heat, force, and dynamism, while black means mystery, darkness, and space. Together, they actually represent energy in its most primordial form, and in the twin forces of heat and darkness. It could also represent light and darkness in union too, since fire brings light as well as heat.

Yin and yang

Black is generally associated with the occult, demons, the left hand, disaster, mystery, death, and chaos, but in some cultures it represents life. In Japan black means life, while white actually means death. In China, black is the color that represents the element of water for some reason. Black also points to Kali and the Buddhist Mahakala, who was a Buddhist incarnation of the Hindu god Shiva.  Red means heat, fire, vitality, passion, but in Japan it is also the traditional color of the hero and the color for expelling demons and illness (a bit ironic considering all this talk of demons from before), as well as the sun and summer. For my alter ego, red and black are the simplest symbols of his dual affinity for the bright power of fire and the dark power of the demons, for righteousness and vice, for the union of moral integrity and animal instinct, and for the directing of dark power and heat towards the pursuit of a just cause.

The theory of his color scheme is also evocative of Baphomet, not to be confused with Satan (though Satan does have influence here). Baphomet is a symbol of the union of or harmony between forces that are either opposite or mutually distinct. Thus Baphomet brings together the forces that I have mentioned throughout this section.

Exhibit 3 – The power of demons and chaos as a sword of righteousness

While the idea may have started with playing video games like Devil May Cry and Shin Megami Tensei, there are actually links to mythology and religious belief.

In Egypt, there is the god Set, who was the god of the desert and storms, and later evil and chaos. Even before the people of Egypt turned Set into a god of evil, he was seen as a wild, tumultuous, and sometimes hostile deity, but it is Set who protects the sun god Ra in the daily battle against Apep, the serpent of entropy and annihilation. Funny enough he was also seen as the lord of the red sands and Horus was the lord of the black soil. Set was also linked with the Semitic god Baal (or Hadad). In fact, there was a time when people from Western Asia, referred to as the Hyksos, ruled Egypt. They worshiped the storm god Baal, who became linked with the Egyptian storm god Seth, and they were both worshipped as Seth-Baal, sometimes in an almost monotheistic fashion, until the Hyksos were driven out of Egypt. Also, a friend and personal spiritual teacher of mine (who I remember as The Desolate One) told me a theory that when Set defeated Apep, he took on the power once linked with Apep, and that this is how he become the god of darkness, reviled as the god of evil. I think we both followed with the idea that Baal did the same after defeating Yam.

Set and Apep by badgersoph on Deviantart

As usual though, much of my inspiration comes from Asia, and there’s a lot of symbolism to be found in Buddhist lore. In Tibet, there are deities who seem vicious and demonic, to the point that those who first look upon them unaware of their role in the Buddhist faith would construe them as no different to demons. But in truth, they represent the violent reality of both the cosmos and the human mind, and they serve the purpose of protecting the Buddhist faith and practitioners, and  helping the practitioner attain enlightenment by clearing away the obstacles to enlightenment (at least from the Buddhist point of view). These beings are referred to as wrathful deities. They are based on violence and power, they have a violent nature and a demonic appearance, but they are not necessarily evil at all. In fact, they also symbolize the tremendous amount of effort and force needed to vanquish evil. In Japan, a similar term is Kishin, which means “fierce god” or “demon god”, and they are guardian gods.


Vajrapani, an example of one of the wrathful deities

They are actually supposed to be benevolent, but their appearance is meant to instill terror into the forces of evil and drive them back, much like the appearance of gorgon heads on Greek temples or gargoyles on medieval Christian churches. It’s also interesting to note that some of these deities, according to tradition, were once the native gods or demons of the land prior to being defeated in magical combat with the guru Padmasambhava and converting to Buddhism. The only problem is this does mean these beings serve the Buddhist faith as a result of being defeated and subjugated by someone else, rather than by being convinced that it aligns with their own convictions.

The concept of demonic beings enlisted to protect the Buddhist faith is further expressed in Japanese Buddhism, though often it is after the demons are defeated or captured (such as with Fujin and Raijin). But that is not always the case. There is a story of a goddess named Hariti, who used to be a yaksha demon from Pakistan who killed human children in order to feed her hundreds of children. Siddhartha Gautama wanted to stop this so he hid one of her sons under a bowl, then he told Hariti that her suffering from losing one of her children cannot be compared to the suffering of all the mothers whose few children became her victims. Realizing the depth of her actions and feeling remorse for them, she converted to Buddhism and pledged to be the protector of children and childbirth, and promised to eat pomegranates instead of human children. Another story is the story of Atavaka, or Daigensui Myo-O as he is known in Japan. Similar to Hariti, Atavaka was once a child-eating yaksha demon, but after encountering Siddartha Gautama, he converted to Buddhism and become a yaksha king, protector of the southwest direction, and a vassal to the warrior deity Bishamonten. Atavaka was also considered the chief of all the spirits and demons protecting the land.

Japanese esoteric Buddhism also has a deity named Rastetsuten, who is considered one of the twelve devas who protect the four directions, the four semi-directions, the sun, the moon, up, and down. Rasetsuten protected the southwest direction of the heavens and was master of the rakshasa demons. In Hindu lore rakshasas were cannibalistic demons who practiced black magic, desecrated gravesites, disrupted sacrifices, and had venomous fingernails, but in Mahayana Buddhist texts they converted to Buddhism and served to protect the dharma. Another Hindu demon who takes on a protective role in Japanese Buddhism is the asura, who in Hinduism were previously considered demonic spirits who fought against the gods. In Buddhist lore they are merely semi-divine beings addicted to various passions, but most especially strife and conflict, though they are also capable of being virtuous and pious. In Vedic lore, the term asura was an epithet meaning “mighty” and referred to power and strength, and was attributed to various Vedic gods.

A rakshasa

Come to think of it, it seems demons have been a force of protection from evil and fighting evil, as well as promoting evil, destruction, and chaos, for a long time in many beliefs outside of Christianity, general Western culture, and Islam.

In some cultures, while snakes were associated with healing, wisdom, and fertility, even before Christianity they were also associated with danger and darker and more chthonic forces. This was the case in ancient Greece, where serpents are most classically associated with the chthonic monster known as the gorgon (among whom was the famous Medusa). But in Greece, the oldest oracles were said to be protected by serpents (including the monster Python who guarded the oracle at Delphi), and the heads of gorgons appeared on temples to protect against malign forces. Gorgon masks were also carved to protect from the evil eye. Medusa herself appears in a temple to Artemis in Corfu, where she is a guardian of the temple. In Babylon and Assyria, there is the demon Pazuzu (who some may recognize as the spirit that possessed Linda Blair in The Exorcist). He was an evil spirit of wind who brought plague, disease, famine, and locusts, but he was also invoked to protect humans from plague, disease, and misfortune, particularly the kind brought by a demonic goddess named Lamashtu. Mesopotamian folklore also describes storm demons known as Ugallu, who were also considered beneficial protective demons and were depicted and invoked in charms. In India, the yakshas are sometimes treated as demons, but they are also seen as benign earthly protector spirits. Demons and ghouls are also found as the hosts of the Hindu god Shiva, and those hosts are said to frighten even the gods Brahma and Vishnu. Even today there are believers in the paranormal and the occult who consider demons to be guardian spirits in the same sense that angels are, only that demons come from the darker side of the spirit world.

There is inspiration that follows a similar principle: Tantra. In Tantric Hindusim, things that are considered dark, taboo, even unspiritual can be considered sacred and/or valid pathways to the divine. Most recognized among their belief is the belief that material pleasures can be dedicated to God and that seemingly negative forces can be transformed into positive forces and religious bliss.

Outside mythology, the spirit of the righteous application of demonic power lives on in modern culture. In Japanese video games and anime, demons aren’t always a strictly negative force. And sometimes, in those settings, individuals associated with demons fight demons and protect the world and humans from evil with the help of their power. The anime Blue Exorcist is about a young man named Rin Okumura who is the son of Satan, but he fights demons and wants to defeat Satan (the Christian Satan). In the anime YuYu Hakusho, the main character Yusuku Urameshi is the main protagonist who protects the human world from various supernatural threats and he apparently has demon blood. In fact, he can access a demon form with some wicked long hair! In video games, Shin Megami Tensei lets you use demons and their power to potentially do good depending on your point of view. Demons are categorized by alignments based on the two axes of Light-Neutral-Dark and Light-Neutral-Chaos. For example, Kishin refers to warrior deities, and they are attached Light-Chaos, my personal favorite alignment for demons. Perhaps Light-Chaos can refer to the righteous manifestation of the power of the demons. And who could forget the Devil May Cry games, which feature humans with demonic blood who fight demons with the help of the power of demons. Most famous among  them of course is Dante, who has become a true hack and slash icon and a personal inspiration for me and my alter ego.

Dante, son of Sparda

Exhibit 4 – Heavy metal culture

Probably because of my own interest in heavy metal music, the character I talk about here inherits influence from heavy metal music in his design and background. He has long hair that’s basically a mixture of Nikki Sixx’s hair from Motley Crue and a Japanese hairstyle I found one time.

I often draw him making the sign of the horns with his hands. It’s a sign that was officially introduced to heavy metal by Ronnie James Dio, after he joined Black Sabbath. He claimed he based it on the sign that his grandmother made with his hands: the malocchio. It was apparently used to ward off curses such as the evil eye. Since Dio, the sign of the horns has become a universal element of heavy metal culture, despite musicians of other genre and cultures copying it randomly.

My alter ego has by and large copied my fashion sense, which has absorbed other insignias of heavy metal culture. Among them, the sleeveless denim jacket and the bullet belt, both of them associated with traditional heavy metal, thrash metal, and speed metal, though the bullet belt can be found worn be fans of more extreme metal sub-genres, such as black metal and death metal, and members of such bands. Both fashion items were chosen as nods to heavy metal subculture.

A thrash metal fan wearing a bullet belt and a denim jacket with patches of various metal bands.

My character’s black jacket was initially based on a black long-sleeved jacket I usually wore, which I believe was made of cotton. But this jacket has become replaced by a black jacket made of leather, which is pretty much based on the denim and leather done by many old school heavy metal bands (except that I prefer black denim to blue denim). Denim and leather back then was such a recognized element of heavy metal fashion that it was the title of an album by one such band: Saxon.

But it’s not just the fashion of heavy metal that’s important. In fact, it only makes sense that my character, and I myself for that matter, would associate with heavy metal music. Heavy metal is the only music that represents what I feel I come from. Metal was the music of power and aggression, it’s the only music that has a lot of the kind of lyrical subject matter I like (demons, war, myth, lust, and warriors, among other lyrics) and to such an awesome sound, and it has a subculture that embraces what are in my mind the values of the warrior, the rebel, and the devil. It is aggressive music, raw energy, and the instrumentation channels said aggression to create a sublime sound, and many of my favorite metal bands channel aggressive music to make what is ultimately a positive sound. And the energy and passion I feel from the music is certainly a positive influence. So however you stretch it, metal deserves the influence it has. Because of the tendency of heavy metal to feature lyrics about demons, Satan, and the occult, it can be a good example of channeling inspiration from darkness to create something righteous, strong, and true.

Exhibit 5 – The action hero

The action genre is very influential not just from anime and video games, but of course action films. Early on I and one of my art teachers likened my alter ego to characters such as Dirty Harry, who upheld the law and busted criminals by flunking regulations and breaking the rules, thus exemplifying a classic example of the trope of the renegade cop, better known as the cowboy cop. Other well-known examples of the trope include Die Hard, Cobra, Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, Last Action Hero, and Demolition Man.

Cobra. It speaks for itself.

Speaking of Demolition Man, the main character John Spartan and not to mention the film itself have both been very inspirational. Before being cryogenically frozen, Spartan was the baddest cowboy cop in Los Angeles, busting exceptionally bad criminals without regard for proper protocol or concern for collateral damage. After being frozen, he wakes up to find that LA has become San Angeles, a crapsaccharine state without passion and no freedom to do anything other than following the plans Dr. Raymond Cocteau has for your life, and eventually Simon Fenix, the worst criminal Spartan has ever faced, also arrives after being cryogenically frozen. He eventually defeats and kills Fenix, but also challenges and topples the pristine order of San Angeles through the destruction of the cryo prison (though Fenix kills Cocteau before all this happens). Spartan then challenges the people of San Angeles to try and live in a world of both order and wild freedom, thus echoing the idea of a character who fights for freedom and to preserve justice.

My favorite anime characters are pretty much always action character with weapons (albeit swords instead of guns), such as Ichigo from Bleach. Of all of them, Ichigo always had a lot of appeal. He was hot-headed, and hot-bleaded, but he never gave up, never backed down, and always tried to fight for what he thought was right because he wanted to.

Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach

Exhibit 6 – The demonic super form

The alter ego’s demonic super form is ostensibly a combination of Super Sonic from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, which itself was based on the Super Saiyan state from Dragon Ball, and Dante’s Devil Trigger state from the Devil May Cry games. Similar tropes also appear in various other video games, as well as anime. My character’s particular super form also derives from not just Satan with his horns, but also the flaming aura that surrounds the Buddhist wrathful deities of Tibet and Japan.

Fudo Myo-O

The super form also has a third eye, which is ostensibly derived from Shiva. In fact, the flaming aura itself is also a manifestation of the flaming aura of both Shiva and the goddess Kali

Exhibit 7 – Other mythological/religious elements

My character frequently uses weapons that have some link to Asian religious themes, often as bonus weapons, including the vajra and the trishula, which are attached many Buddhist deities, along with the Hindu gods Indra and Shiva respectively.

My alter ego’s jacket is set to have a flaming ram’s head on the back of it, which is an allusion to the Hindu god Agni, the zodiac sign Aries, and the Egyptian symbolism of the ram as the soul of the sun god. In this light, the ram is a symbol of the spirit of the sun, fire, heat, light, energy, and enthusiasm.

Like myself, my alter ego wears a Satanic pentagram, which represents not just Satanism, but the powers of darkness and demons, and in this case the principle of using the powers of darkness to pursue a just cause and righteous ideals.

When my alter ego belt buckle is a monstrous demon head, based on the Kirtimukha and Rahu. Kirtimukha is a demon-like image that sometimes adorns temples to Shiva and halos that surround the Shiva and his family. It represents the hunger that pervades the universe and drives all life as attested to in Hindu belief and mythology. Rahu was a demon in Hindu myth who tried to devour the sun. There is also Tao Tie, a fiend from Chinese mythology who represents hunger. I have also considered using a lion’s head for his belt buckler (possibly with a demonic twist). It was inspired by Isamu Nitta’s belt buckle from Shin Megami Tensei III Nocturne (which is based on Azazel from Soul Hackers), but it can also be a nod to the lion as a symbol of the Zoroastiran spirit of destruction, Ahriman, based on the Mithraic depiction of Ahriman or Arimanius.


Other things

I must also mention the fan-made Grey Jedi Code associated with Star Wars, which I have already described in full here.

As I mentioned before, my alter ego’s abilities are often based on my own traits. Such as his ability to swim being based on my like of water and personal desire to swim more, and the food thing being related to liking to eat like an animal, and eating a lot without getting fat as a kid. And the animals thing is not just related to Shiva or the Horned One, but the fact that I like to talk about animals as a kid.

In general, his preference of weapons (katanas and machine guns) is inspired by video games, particularly Shin Megami Tensei, Final Fantasy, and Shadow the Hedgehog, as well as my interest in Japanese martial arts and American action films.

And that’s pretty much it. I took way too damn long writing this because I needed to get everything down that needed to be gotten down. Either way I hope this long post can be appreciated as an assessment of my own alter ego and the ideas that shape it, and thus the ideas that actually have shaped me as a person and relate to me as a person to the core of my self.

Will manifest from heat and light

There’s something about the Indian deity Agni that inspired me and was not already talked about on the blog thus far. Apparently the Vedic Indians did not just see Agni as a fire deity. They also saw Agni as the power that is connected to the will and action and related powers. One of the Upanishads portrays Agni in a similar vein. In some interpretations, Agni is not just a singular deity, but a force of fire that motivates willpower.

In my opinion, this idea can be expanded outside the Hindu context. I believe I have mentioned the Fires of Chaos at some point. Well perhaps the Fires of Chaos can be taken as as a force behind the will. Or, you could apply a similar theory to Satan depending on how you choose to interpret Satan, or even God for that matter. Not to mention the concept of the chthonic flame I mentioned in the past. Invariably, it could be an extension of a greater fire.

Going back to Agni, it’s interesting to note how the Vedic Indians believed that the power associated with Agni could be strengthened by Rig Vedic chants to Agni. Given they believed willpower was a projection of Agni, would it make sense that chanting Vedic chants to Agni was meant to strengthen willpower? It’s certainly an interesting concept to adapt.

Identifying with elements

After writing that post about the attributes associated with fire, I wanted to research the others. I soon remembered I shared plenty of traits with air and water, but not a lot with earth. With water it’s emotion, which I value since I don’t like non-emotion, but it might also be imagination (though I think that’s also a fire trait). Water is also the most sensitive of the elements which lends to its nurturing quality but also lends to valuing security and protection. I think a water-associated flaw is being over-protected and isolated, which I see as undesirable and to be overcome. Other than that, I think water has an influence. With air I think it’s conceptual thinking and affinity to the idea realm, but I think air is too social or too logical at the same time, where I see logic as a tool for communicating ideas but not the source of my ideas and instincts. With earth it’s only the desire for the sensual, the earth element as a whole is usually focused on pragmatism and seems all too homely to me. As for aesthetic influence, water and earth are pretty influential in terms of visual sources, especially with the sun pouring over or illuminating both, but air is the least aesthetically influential.

To be honest though, I talk from the whole astrology thing, but I really don’t think astrology is something to take from as the basic thing with identifying with elements, because the point of astrology is trying to divine the future using the stars and signs. That’s why you have those horoscopes, which amount to little more than domestic curiosity for domestic people. If you truly feel you identify with an element most of all, then that element is probably the element that represents you the most, and your aspirations or tastes. That might be why fire is the most important element to me, rather than an astrological account of things.

Fire sign related reflections

I have been reflecting on the fire signs recently, particularly Aries, as well as a conversation I had with a Wiccan woman about elemental signs in astrology. It was after I found an image on fire signs which read:

I am a fire sign. I want the freedom to follow my dreams, to live life my own way. I am a free spirit who burns brightly with passion. I am independent. I am adventurous, and act on impulse.

When I first saw it something ticked for me, like it either sounded like what I was, or what I wanted to live up to be, or, in some way, both. The woman I talked to told me some interesting things,  like how if you are a fire sign, your life is full of adventure and energy. She also told me that she was married to a fire sign and wished me luck. I told her I wasn’t into astrology, rather I just see traits and attributes as possibly relating to me, and she said it was alright and that maybe it will help me on my path or finding new interests. She also said it might open the door or it might help me see that there are things about the elements that keep my attention and thus I may want to find out more and do more research.

Over a year later, it feels like I had done that research for Agni and Amun-Ra, and I feel like I relate to fire attributes in some way, and other elemental traits but in a way that I feel relates to fire if that makes sense. I still don’t believe in astrology, and treat as common superstition, but I think you can still relate to signs in some way. Not wholly, but perhaps they can be seen as archetypes to draw inspiration from and find interest in.

Lately I feel like the ram is more interesting to me, as is the attributes of fire. I feel like they may relate to me but at the same time I feel I don’t live up to it. I feel like I’m bold and passionate in tastes, ideas, beliefs, and sometimes artwork, but not necessarily in real life actions, and even expression, except maybe at home. All I am sure of is I know the fire of passion, energy, strength, and boldness lies within, but I always worry I’m not living up to it.

Balance, the Neutral path, and inspiration from Star Wars

OK I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest fan of Star Wars here in that I don’t particularly care about the franchise, but I have found some things about the Star Wars universe interesting. For instance, I have on separate occasions been shown the Sith code and the Grey Jedi code by my friend Tadashi. First let me show you all the codes. First, the code of the Jedis.

“There is no emotion, there is peace There is no ignorance, there is knowledge There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.”

Next, the Sith code.

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”

The Jedi code obviously reeks of denialism, as in it ignores both vital components of existence and flaws in human nature, but it strangely reminds me of Buddhism and Hinduism. The Sith code seems very likeable and appealing to me but looking back it feels like it’s incomplete and missing things because of the apparent absence of peace, harmony, and order (which is actually hypocritical because of how a Sith regime operates when it is dominant). Yes, I like passion in life, but there’s no way that can be all there is. It actually reminds me of Satanism cranked up a couple notches to a kind of military level. But then, there’s the code of the Grey Jedis.

There is no Dark side, nor a Light side There is only the Force I will do what I must to keep the balance The balance is what keeps me together There is no good without evil, but evil cannot be allowed to flourish There is passion, yet peace Serenity, yet emotion Chaos, yet order I am the wielder of the flame, the protector of balance I am the holder of the torch, lighting the way I am the keeper of the flame, soldier of balance I am a guardian of balance I am a Grey Jedi”

The Grey Jedi idea fascinated me, mainly because I did not think something like that was found in Star Wars (though I’m personally not entirely sure if it’s actually fan-written given). The philosophy behind it is apparently that the Grey Jedi believe the force is neutral and any notion of alignment was an attribute of the user. Their most imprtant tenet is balance, they do what they must to preserve it above all else, even if it means letting some evil come to pass or destroying a whole planet, but they would not allow evil to flourish and thought good must always cancel out evil and keep it in check. They needed passion and emotion to fuel their power, but also needed peace and serenity to remain in control. It’s all very Taoist.

Red lightsaber, blue lightsaber

When I was shown the Grey code, I felt that while I would never fully identify with Grey, I think the much of the words of the Grey code offer a great picture of the nature of the universe, as well as human nature. In particular, the idea that there is Chaos and yet harmony or serenity. That actually sounds like a great application of the colours red and black, which are both traditionally the colors of Chaos (at least in my MegaTen-influenced books anyway). Together they could express Chaos in a strangely serene and harmonious way, and to think, what a beautiful thing that would be. Of course the down side is that this combination is still always dark and leaves little room for the light element, unless red happens to count as that element. Speaking of light and dark, thinking about it, this new way of applying the red and black combination can also be a great reference to Taoism and by extension Eastern philosophy (which is good for my sake since I frequently worry that I’m losing touch with the Eastern culture that so inspired in the first place). I often see depictions of the yin and yang symbol where the yin half is black but the yang half is red instead of white.

Like this one, though it’s not a very old depiction I must say.

It might not be a very traditional depiction, but it still depicts yin and yang very clearly, red obviously being yang and black obviously being yin. Not to mention, I’ve talked before about energy and void being red and black respectively, and that still fits with all my previous ideas about the universe in a reasonably cozy fashion. Really red and black tied in with Taoism can incorporate all manner of ideas. It still has a Satanic flair to it, and let’s not forget that Baphomet, now commonly linked with Satanism, is essentially similar to the Taoist principle of yin and yang. Also, that part about the Grey Jedi being the wielder of the flame and protector of the balance reminds me of own alter ego character and the role I ascribe to him within his own universe. He utilizes the fire element (albeit in two forms; the traditional flame and the demonic flame), and one of his roles is to protect his world, which also means protecting the balance of the world by destroying evil and defeating the ambitions of all manner of evil beings whether they’re human, demon, or divine. Because of all that, I refer back to Shin Megami Tensei and become very tempted to align myself as Neutral, since not only does the Grey Jedi code kinda remind me of Neutral, it presents a good warrior framework for Neutral. But I can’t settle on just Neutrality. Aside from me having criticized before for canonically accomplishing almost nothing, Neutrality on its own is rather bland if done for its own sake. I also don’t believe there is a middle ground for absolutely everything or can be, certainly not a middle ground for freedom and slavery, the individual and the collective, or strength and weakness. And while light ad dark can be balanced, good and evil cannot, since good and evil are a matter of ethics, morality, and/or subjective judgement. My alter ego character can’t be a total neutral either, as he is meant to be a hero, and his ideas of heroism are based on mine, and actions are based on the same. However, this is one case where Neutral should be mixed with Chaos here. In a MegaTen sense, I couldd be effectively Neutral but from a Chaos perspective, or perhaps the other way around. If I’m Neutral, then that Neutrality would have to be guided by my own nature, my spiritual ideas, my basically libertarian philosophy, all of them influenced by being aligned with Chaos, and my tastes would remain pretty much unchanged. And finally, who knows, maybe Order/Harmony and Chaos really could be treated as different forces, and the fire I seek to live by as the Fire of Spirit, or perhaps, at least something more encompassing then the Fires of Chaos. Perhaps, recalling the inner flame I once described more frequently a few years ago.