Growing up: musings of youth, self-development and vitality

A friend of mine once told me in 2012 that “everyone has to grow old but you don’t have to grow up”. For a while, I thought that growing up meant surrendering your brain and becoming an automaton. Being friends with a couple of life-long anarchists only seemed to reinforced that, in fact one of them is the person from whom I borrowed that particular phrasing. As I walked to the university at 8:40 or 50-something in the morning, for some reason I began to contemplate – why did I think that back then?

To me, it might be because I saw freedom in youth back in the day. I feared that the spirit of independence, freedom and vitality might someday either go away or be diminished with youth. But when I think back, how true is that? For starters, I’ve spent the bulk of my youth as a rather introverted individual – and I probably still am pretty introverted to some degree. Second of all, look at the youth of today. They are increasingly totally fine with restricting those around them by imposing authoritarian ideas in the name of blind morality and totally fine with being withdrawn into extremely protected barriers shield from the world lest the world’s darker side – but one half of its true image – might assail them, lest the demons and the ogres drag them out into the world and force them to see the light of the sun as it exposes the things that they might not have wished to see. Where is the vitality in that? Where is the freedom? Where for that matter is the independence, considering that many people as old as me still have to live with being dependent due to economic conditions – like the price of cars and housing, and in my country’s case the fact that we are seen as too much of a liability by insurers to have insurance (which is required according to the law if we are to get a car, the supposed vehicle of our independence). Meanwhile, today’s youth are inculcating themselves in a kind of brainwashing, and they’re going to grow up in an increasingly infantilized West – more specifically, a culture where adults are able either regress themselves to a childlikeinfantile or even downright babyish state or to abandon the responsibility of being a parent on a whim.

What does it mean to grow up? Or for that matter, to never grow up? Growing up invariably means a transition, and some realizations to go with it. It means having the emotional and intellectual maturity to be able to adapt to the world you live in as it is with even a modicum of independence. When you’re young you think growing up means just towing the line of the Man, but that’s obviously false. Just because you are grown up doesn’t mean you want to be an automaton, or just tacitly accept the status quo even as it leads you to your doom. The vital spirit that beats in the heart of Man, or at least should in my opinion, is not confined to youth. It’s possible that you can be as old as Clint Eastwood and still have the vitality of someone much younger. I mean for Satan’s sake, the late Lemmy proved that you can never be too old for rock and roll, having played for Motörhead since the band started right until he died at the age of 70. Youth is simply not the only state where that vitality can exist. In fact, I dare to predict that in the future it is youth that may well prove to be the prison from which the vital self must escape as it becomes increasingly a state of being intellectually enslaved and dependent on others for survival, with the opportunity to be carefree remaining the only advantage. Maybe I’m being extreme in saying that, but who knows? Not to mention, not every person – young or old – has the same idea of having a good time or leading a good life for the simple reason that everyone has different personal inclinations.

To be young is ultimately to be carefree, and perhaps this is why we have college age Remainers and leftists don’t mind trading the sovereignty of their nation or the cohesion of their society for the pure convenience of being able travel to France and the freedom of other people for the pure , but it is not necessarily to be independent. Independence comes not from youth but from a desire to be independent . You don’t have to be particularly responsible when you’re young in the developed world most of the time, because someone else takes care of that for you. And may Sathanas help you if like me you happen to have a learning disability such as autism – you get coddled even more! Believe me, I have experienced this myself. I’ve found my weaknesses protected, naive child aversions to. Growing up, and independence for that matter, means getting past all of that and taking charge of the world around you, and taking ownership of your own actions, including your mistakes. It also specifically means dealing with hardship. A real man will, to quote Dave Mustaine, eat shit, smile and ask for more. And if you refuse the call, so to speak, you will probably wind up a total Puer Aeternus well into your 30’s. Just ask Onision if you have any doubt.

Growing up doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the things you might have enjoyed when you were young. If you still enjoy them, great! And it certainly doesn’t mean you can be too old to read comics or play video games – there is definitely a market for comics and games that appeal to older audiences, or if you enjoy the games you played when you were younger that’s, as I said, great. And it doesn’t mean that there’s not something about you as a person, even if it’s just a deeply held ideal, that may persist throughout your life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is likely trying to impose a false dichotomy upon your mind, one that I think Western society saturates itself with. You don’t have to either be a Peter Pan or a stodgy old fossil. I think what is needed is a balance. To embrace both ecstasy and discipline. Chaos and order. To look at both sides and hold to the good as as much as possible. The vital state of humanity might be found there. It’s not found only in youth. In fact, the way I want to live – without insecurity, inertia, or lingering doubt – is not a birthright. It has to be earned – by struggling and growing as an individual.


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