Even though my brother and I are physically identical twins, we have different attitudes. Lately, my brother seems to be very tight and edgy when it comes to work. For him, work means completing assignments in college (not to be confused with university) and completing an extensive series of paintings alongside that. Sometimes I feel he just gives himself too much to do that he isn’t going to do in the time he has planned. I don’t like seeing him act so disciplined and uptight, it feels like a pretense. But when he does act that way, and when I find myself disgusted by it, I also somehow become less ashamed of not doing as much as I want to do, even though at the same time I feel I am suffering from the excess of sloth.
Part of me now feels like I have put too much expectations on myself for what I’m going to do during the holidays just because I have the time, and then I didn’t do all that I had planned to do. Part of me is not ashamed of not meeting expectations if it means not being tightly wound, but part of me still is for not raising the spirit to change that.