Thinking about my time in university leads me to another train of thought as well: I read a post from Summer Thunder, a blog from a friend and fellow Satanist Mo, and I read about how bounded groups are losing the authority they once claimed they had to dictate spirituality and losing the monopoly that they had over the right to interpret belief and practice, and how independent spirituality seems set to claim a new world for itself and leave the old order of things (at least, that’s how I felt reading it). I got a very clear sense in my head that the age of dogmatic forms of authority and order were dying, and it didn’t seem unreasonable to me that this might apply to all manner of cultural structures besides religion and occultism. To me, the world of tightly wound norms is slowly dying, and only base ignorance stands in the way of the end of the old order of human beings.
One question I have when I think about it, though is why does academia still hold on to notions of restrictive and bounded up order? In the world today it feels to me like going through the traditional pathways to academia is the way to success and to prove your talent, and I don’t think I hear much about people learning on their own without going through any expectations and rules. Not to mention, academia seems like it’s more about getting you into a job than about making you great and talented, which is weird considering in academia you have freedoms (and restrictions) that from what I’m told do not necessarily apply in the career world. How often you will have to conform to the standards put to you in academia in the world of work. And I certainly don’t see you writing dissertations and following rigorous rules for doing so outside of university. Sometimes it feels like we think little of people rising from almost literally nothing, achieving their dreams without following any rules as to how, and I always think about how in the world of metal, and the old days of game design, you had to do without the established channels and you could still be successful if you applied yourself.
Also, in general, there are other questions I have about the world. Why do we hold on to this idea that in order to prove yourself in the world and advance yourself in terms of having a career and a name you have go through institutions that ultimately have you go through sets of unwritten rules? Why is it that in our world people always follow patterns? Why do we confine each other to roles and limitations that we don’t really want to observe? Why do we gravitate towards idols and call upon them to save us? Why do we value numbers over the individual? Why do we always try to put each other in boxes? And why is it that this is all at the expense of the human spirit when we do it?
I have a feeling that the world of numbers and putting people in boxes and assigned roles will be around for a long time, long after the time when I leave this world. If we’re not chaining people down with organized religion, we’ll still be doing it with politics, and we’ll also do it with memetic popular culture, with technology, with science, and even with relationships. But I can’t abide by it, because the world I believe in is different.
The world I dream of is a world ruled by freedom, a world where truly we live by our own feelings, passions, desires, and values over the expectations of others, uncorrupted by ignorance; a world where we remember we have a choice and never succumbing to patterns set before us, nay where there are no patterns set before us that we blindly follow; a world where people can put imagination and creativity over any rules except the ones they devise, and not even the need to survive and compete, or the need for structure, would stop that; a world where fear and ignorance are always defeated by a noble and powerful spirit, no matter how much they rise and grow; a world where humans don’t ever become cogs in a much larger wheel, peas in a much larger pod, or anything like that other than individuals act as themselves and operate on their own will and that which propels their lives; a world where freedom is immortal, and dies for no one, no God, no fear, and no other ideals, not even the desires in people’s hearts and minds; a world where there’s always some reason to have fun without being obnoxious about it. Truly, this is not a world for everyone, truly this world is too good for humans in our world. As such, this is probably a world I would deem as my vision of heaven, and as a vision that I suppose lies chiefly in my mind, and perhaps that means I won’t really be separate from it either.
A world without patterns, a world without a wheel to turn the people, a world with no boxes to put people in, a world where human life is principally characterized by choice, freedom, imagination, creativity, and our desires and passions. Most people might have a word for this vision: Chaos. And I suppose, I would embrace that term, because that’s perhaps where the meaning of Chaos really lies: it’s about the vision for the world at large, something that runs deep in me ever since my initial enchantment and enamorment the Megami Tensei series of games. At the very least, how gratifying this Chaos feels to envision and imagine. I know there’s a value to structure and order in our lives, but most of the time we have to but don’t want to, because we have some semblance of order and pattern crammed down our throats or attached to us, and we kill ourselves to conform to it. Besides, when I think about it, all forms of order and structure, at least in human terms, are derived from the imagination, will, and the capacity of the mind, not from some great laws ordained by the outer world or by any great Logos embedded in humanity. In a sense, it’s probably true when we think of the formation of order out of chaos, not order out of order.
In a weird way, I sort of feel like I know where my roots are when I think about this, and perhaps with a slightly better understanding to go with it, or it just relates to some of the things I really want in life. That’s why even if it seems radical I can picture myself shouting “Holy Chaos, death to Order” (and then that’s pretty because it sounds like the start of Holy Hell), and if I say that I would salute the death of establishment and the reign of freedom and the chaos of the human spirit.