I have started the second year of university as of today, and to tell you the truth today didn’t go as badly as I thought it would be. I mean sure, I still concern myself with the phenomenon of group blaming, on Mondays I will be in classes until 6pm (which isn’t actually so bad until winter comes around and it gets dark at 5pm) and at one session today I felt like my passion for what I was doing was being coaxed or forced, but for most of the day I sort of felt glad to be back. I began to feel like there’s a chance I could get used to the modules and actually survive the second year, or at least the first half. Not only are we basically improving the work we did last year by populating the level we made, but there’s one module where we’ll be encouraged to work with people from an entirely different course. Something about this year seems exciting for some reason, and I might find it easier just to think of the present.
Make no mistake though, this year is crucial for me. How I do in the course and feel about it this year determines everything and will affect my future: if I lose all desire to continue, then I can forget about game design without ever going back, and if I complete the second year, then I will continue to the third year and there will be no quitting the third year, even with the thought of how strict dissertation-writing might be. Still, for now I’m becoming somewhat optimistic for two reasons other than how exciting some of the modules might seem now. For one, I’m reminded that only university do I have the freedom to fail. In an academic setting you can fail but you have the chance to learn from your failure and improve, but in industry, so I’m told, if you fail then you’re out on your ear for sure. Second, I’m also reminded of why I’m in game design, even though I conflict with the idea of going into it at times. The difference between an artist and a designer is that for the artist there is only the individual interpretation and expression, but the designer must also be able to design something that will reach as wide an audience as possible and unlike the artist will be expected to work for clients or assumed clients (unfortunately, this is even if that can means designing something you might not care for too much), but I don’t care for that mattering because I’m in game design because I wanted to put my creativity and vision into something interactive because I liked that.
At any rate, me being back at university may mean I post on the blog less often. Perhaps I may put out a fair share of posts for the first week or so, but I’m not counting on it. I can expect to be busy in these times, and I have to form a design schedule in order to follow.