For some curious reason I had a brief thought yesterday about what would happen after I pass away. Not in the sense of what would happen to me after the death of my physical body, but in the sense of what would happen to my legacy in this world after my passing. I then thought of what I might want from the family I might raise in the future, and what I want in my life. I tend to have a specific desire to imprint, establish, and exert myself in the world in a creative and artistic way. This blog, though an expansive effort, is only part of how I do this, and I have many means at my disposal for reminding myself of what I am or what makes me tick, and expressing that. At times, I feel this immortalizes myself in some way, and creates a kind of legacy. I feel like I have acknowledged this sort of thing before I even started identifying with Satanism and the wider Left Hand Path, and being in the Left Hand Path naturally tied into that in a way that no other form of belief system ever could.
Because of this, I thought that if I passed on, I’d like for the family I raise to preserve my legacy. This can be seen as a basic trait common to almost all individuals if you think about it, right down to the desire to procreate and/or raise a family in the first place (even adopting a child can be taken as a form of carrying on one’s legacy in absence of the ability or desire to procreate). For many it’s about the desire to pass on a legacy, and to express the instinct of parental love. All I would desire from the family I raise, the next generation, is that they honor the legacy I create, and that they think for themselves, know themselves, carve and pursue their own identity, go on to create a legacy of their own, and be as the masters and rulers of their own lives, and it wouldn’t matter if they had different beliefs and interests from mine. In a way, they would be kings and queens on earth onto themselves, and so would me and the one with whom I may spend my remaining years. I use the term kings and queens in spite of my political attitude against royalism and the institution of monarchy, because as individuals who are our own masters we are the rulers of our own spiritual kingdom. And I’d want my partner to be a part of my spiritual kingdom in some way and be part of my legacy, which would invariably make her a queen in some way.
But I can’t help but wonder now, thinking back about what I’ve written, why I am I thinking them, why do they feel so deep and raw, and why do I feel such a need to write it? Maybe the emotions involved are just strong enough.