Just this morning something surprising happened. I met with my group mates in class who were working on a project, they told me they didn’t really do anything the last week, and then, I told them off. I took charge when no one else would. During my time in university I have had to work in groups, and in one particular module (where we learn how to manage projects) I have often had to work with people who tend not to deliver. In the early days I had no idea what to do, so I relied on someone who I felt knew what he was doing to guide me. But eventually, he and others began to stop pulling their weight and doing their part to organize, and then I was the one who had to be a pain in the ass to them to get them to think about what we as a group are doing so that I can know what I’m doing and pull my weight. I HATE being the guy who has to push other people, I HATE being the person who might be percieved as a pushy, stuck-up guy, and I don’t like being too tight, but what I do in the group has to be done! Otherwise, the other members tend to be lazy, and then the project just falls apart and stagnates where it is. And at times they ignore me anyway and just do nothing. And I began to think not only that the person I relied on was no better than I, but, just now, I realized something else, something familiar to me: there’s nothing wrong with keeping the incompetent in line when you have to if you’re in the situation when you have to. It’s part of being confident.
I want to be wild, free-spirited, and relaxed, at least that’s my idea of the kind of life I want to live, not worrying a whole lot about structure. But there’s nothing wrong with having order too. In fact, there’s times when I feel somewhat enchanted with the order element of things. When you create a world for yourself, are you not creating an order of your own? It’s my tagline: in chaos I will create my own order. Surely that’s enough to remind me that its OK to introduce some kind of order into your life, and that I feel this way. And it should certainly be OK for me take charge in my life and let people know I’m not OK with the sloth and bad attitude of others when they are hampering both the efforts of the group and keeping me in the dark. There’s nothing wrong with taking control when you feel you have to, even if the slothful think less of you. It’s also OK to make your own order for yourself, if you desire it and it’s in your nature.