I was originally going to write this for Sunday or Monday, but I kind of procrastinated.
Spring break has been over for four days now, but I do not have long for my first year at uni. In fact, for me summer starts close to the end of May before the solstice even begins (if I’m right anyway) because that’s when all our deadlines are due for this semester.
With the impeding end of my first year in mind, I’m settled on the notion of not quitting my course (at least not on the first year anyway, you never know what the second year will do for me; there’s no going back after third year though). I feel as though by now it is no use giving up on the first year because I’m coming so close to finishing it, and I’m not doing too bad now that I think about it. Lots of times I think of quitting, but I also feel like I can keep going. Even though I know what the games industry has in store for me and even if it’s possible I don’t continue into the industry, I want to continue for as long as I can out of principle. Besides, as I see it I have a mighty sweet deal even if I don’t live in dorms or go out clubbing and drinking. I get quite a lot of funding for my course, and the funding I’ve gotten has proven useful, and I’ve enriched my life in some way with it too and still wish to. As has my life as a uni student even if it’s just a status that will only last 3 years of my life. Maybe not totally, but I feel I can get somewhere. To quit all of a sudden after enriching my life and still being able to do so would be dishonorable, it’d be saying “thanks for giving me thousands of pounds, so long suckers!” (even though strictly speaking I’ll have to pay it back if I quit; I think I’ve written about this before actually).
I have still thought of other futures. I’ve thought of getting a guitar and taking a course in singing and playing the guitar so I can make metal music of my own. I’ve thought of focusing on a writing career so I can write stories that I’ve been pining to write. I’ve thought of just becoming an artist. I’ve thought of taking a steady job in either case till I make it whatever I do. The prospect of going into the gaming industry is not the same to me as it was many years ago when I started dreaming of making video games, and even then I saw as a way of envisioning stories, characters, and environments just that it was better at doing so than every other form of entertainment due to the principle of interactivity involved. However, I want to see how my course goes and how I survive. I only want to truly quit in the even that I feel I’m doing progressively worse in the next year than this year.
But before all else, I want to feel like I’ve lived a worthwhile life as a student, and the chance to show my passion, my honor, my brightness, and my being, and attain new levels of freedom and wilderness. I think I am doing that progressively, even if not in the big ways I expect. I will keep going, wherever I’m going.