I know it seems weird to write another blog post on the same day as I’ve written a blog post already for today, but there is something that I really need to express today, right this moment. Another post will follow soon after this one.
I had a relatively light party with my family and a friend, and during the party, people started asking about what makes me (and my brother) tick, and our interests. I felt compelled to talk about them. Nothing about religion came up, but other subjects could be just as important. Particularly music and alcohol. Despite what might be expected, I still did not drink, but I did share my musical tastes and other tastes as best I can. They had their stereotypes and preconceptions, but I did my best to explain what lies beyond it (and the difference between real metal and whiny angsty depression music people may think is metal), without being intimidating. I think it all started when they took photos of me and I would start making wild faces, possibly like the kind made by King Diamond only without his trademark face-paint. I also made a couple silly faces that I thought reminded me of a young Lars Ulrich. I actually had fun, because I got to express a wild streak of some sort with the family even if it wasn’t extreme. Not only that, but I felt kind of happy. I enjoyed the party, I relished the prospect of going to concert (not sure about on my own though), and even going on nights out with my brother or cousin. And I think something is going to change.
For a long time, I was reserved about anything about me with family because I felt so radically different from them that I felt they would never understand and I had to be secretive, but I think this may be the last day I will let that go on if it still goes on. It will still be a long time before I reveal this blog and attach it to my name as I am known to family members, but I feel like I can be far more open about what makes me who I am and my attitudes than I ever was before with family, and I feel like I am on the way to being much more open than I was before, and I honestly believe it will bring me a lot of positive reactions and rewards. I have seen myself that I have greatly underestimated my family in terms of their tolerance, understanding, acceptance, and compassion, their willingness to take me as I am. I am actually starting to be very greatful for the family unit being there, and it would only be honorable to appreciate that. I think, in my mind, I am approaching a time of freedom, an end to the veil of mystery that I have imposed on myself and what pain it has caused, and maybe, even, a kind of happiness I have not foreseen yet.
The time will come; newfound freedom and joy will come to me, and I will be fulfilled and without fear. I await that day, and will chase after it…with pride unbridled!