No more panic, no more running

On Monday this week, I mentioned by frustration and dejection with my course, and today I have spoken to my course director and decided not to leave my course after all.

It turns out I had misinterpreted something I had heard about the industry and the course, and I was wrong about the presence of a creative role in the course. I learned that all I would be doing is wasting my potential if I left or transferred at my point just out of panic over what I’m supposed to be learning. I had also considered transferring to an Illustration course, but I learned that not only would I not be any more of an artist in that course, but neither would it be any easier. Not only did I misinterpret the course, but I also think I panicked by how hard the course might be and feared I would not enjoy it in spite of it, when I needed to realize that no matter what course you’re doing it’s going to be hard and you will have to learn new things. On top of that, I seem to have allowed myself to almost forget that I really did get to be creative with the course, not to mention I can still have some fun with the course.

Anyways, after all this, I vow never to let such panic overcome me again, or allow it to influence me to do something so brash and foolish again. The time where I can allow myself to be thrown off like that will be over.

I honestly blame myself for rushing to judgement in the way that I did, but I have been told not to be so hard on myself. And to be fair, I did get something out of this whole thing. If I hadn’t expressed what doubt and dejection I felt, and approached the right people about it, I would never have seen the error of what I was thinking and thus would not have restored my confidence in my course, which would have led me to pursue some more stupid or regrettable directions in this life. But that doesn’t mean I would want to go through that dejection and the stress related to it ever again. I hate when that happens.


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