The fallout of pride

So far, every day in university there’s always at least one instance where I feel like I’m in way over my head and feel like quitting. But every time I feel like quitting, I only remember that it’s not worth it in the end because I’d be wasting money on top of an educational commitment.

When I first wanted to go to university, I thought it was going to rock and that there was nothing that could possibly constitute as a better option for me. I saw it as the path to growth, to becoming a more independent person, and a veritable fountain of opportunities for friendship, love, and adventure. As the years before university went by, I still felt this way, though perhaps not in the same way as when I was still in sixth form at high school. But now, over the more than two weeks I’ve been in university I’ve felt doubt, worry, pressure, and disappointment, especially that third thing considering the feeling of being bound to a decision I have taken out of what in retrospect seems to be pride.

I honestly hope I succeed in this chapter of my life, but part of me also hopes that I fail as well. Why? Because if I succeed then at least it means I got through this chapter on a successful note, but if I fail then it might just teach me the price of making decisions that I only end up feeling way over my head about based on pride. In some of these instances of doubt I remind myself of when Anton LaVey said that “pride is great up to the point you begin to throw out the baby with the bathwater”.

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