Some time after I felt a sense of harmony and structure, I started to think about if I would revel in Chaos even more in the future. But after discussing that with a friend, I began to think I am revelling in Chaos even more already, or already still do.
My only slight place of doubt is in what way I am Chaotic, or what Chaos I embrace. Is it Chaos the raw primordial force behind the universe? Is it energy? Is it Chaos as represent by Satanic forces and images? Is it Chaos as the ideology of raw freedom and individuality, or the state of absolute freedom to not be bound by someone else’s structure? Is Chaos that which lies beyond and engenders all opposites? Or all of those things? Perhaps all of them bear the colors red and black. I should know. Or maybe this doubt only arises out of an incapability to bear the weight of many meanings for Chaos at once. One thing’s for sure: my heaven still ain’t the Christian heaven, or an eternity of nothing happening, nothing being.
I still think harmony exists, but like all else it is born out of Chaos as the initial raw materia, and all order and structure is either born from chaos, or drawn from the mind as either created structures or frameworks of understanding. And sometimes we create structure not just out of a need for it, but also because it’s interesting and entertaining to do so. I’m starting to think I’m not that big on structure, merely I find it fascinating what our kind has created. Besides, structure does not exist without creation of structure, usually by us.
In any case maybe it all has something to do with an increased sense of confidence or even wildness (but not in a loutish way). Maybe I just feel more true than ever.