Two nights ago I had a pretty terrible time sleeping. Aside from me generally being unable to sleep, my mind was for some reason drawn towards the worry that in the night something could go bump, and an unexpected, uninvited guest with malicious intent may appear, and I’m not referring to a supernatural presence.
I also had a nightmare where for some goddamned reason I was looking up some horrific scene involving the someone in a special suit discovering the bodies of people who died in a very horrific manner, which woke me up earlier in the morning than I wanted to. The night reminds of me a certain fear of the negative forces of the world, a fear that, let’s face it, we all have. We all have a certain fear of either the world or the forces of terror, mayhem, and general harm or thuggishness that the world is often home to, which in retrospect stems from an anxiety towards the nature of the world as an unpredictable place (which in turn also spawns our desire for structure, order, and control).
It’s something that I suspect has been with me since at some point either late in my childhood or at the beginning of my adolescence, and I think this kind of fear is something even the best of us encounter but many of us are not exactly honest about it most of the time. Part of me even thinks this crap sticking around in my head is a side effect of me being single, and thus alone, not having a partner whose love and kindness would disintegrate that negativity.