Welcome to another godly countdown! I didn’t think I’d do another one to be honest. Over a year ago, I wrote a post about my top 10 favorite gods from mythology, and this week it suddenly came to me: what about the gods I dislike. This was actually rather hard because there are only a few gods I dislike compared to gods I either like or just think of as OK. For this list, these are the gods that I dislike the most, and not even because they suck either.
By the way, usually I use the term deities or god-images, but here they are referred to as gods for the sake of it and for the sake of continuity to the other countdown.
6.) Ouranos (a.k.a. Uranus)
This guy is the original Sky Father of Greek mythology, and it seems like the Sky Father is a real asshole. He mated with Gaia every night, but he hated every one of the children she bore him. One day he locked up all of Gaia’s youngest offspring in Tartarus, which caused great pain to Gaia, so much in fact that she created a flint-like object and asked her offspring castrate him. Among them only Cronus was willing to do so, and so he castrated him and throw his manhood into the sea. Ouranos to me is an epitome of the archetypal Sky Father, who is usually a prick to Earth. It’s likely his archetype, which permeates throughout some other gods on this list.
5.) Athena (a.k.a. Minerva)
Athena is an overrated goddess, and she is very petty for a so-called goddess of wisdom, and is very nasty to other women for no good reason. Before Medusa was the monster we know, she was a beautiful high priestess of Athena, but then Poseidon raped her in Athena’s temple. But does Athena punish Poseidon for raping her? No. Instead she punishes Medusa for getting raped in her temple by turning her hair to serpents and making her face for terrible that onlookers would turn to stone. Clearly she has no idea how to look out for her own worshipers if they’re women. Why the hell would she not punish Poseidon for raping Medusa? Why would she punish Medusa for getting raped? Then there’s the story of Arachne, a weaver who claimed she could weave better than the goddess Athena. She challenged Arachne to a weaving contest where the loser must promise never to weave again. Arachne bests her by weaving a more beautiful tapestry than her. Out of jealousy, she turns her into a spider (in another version she makes her hang herself) in what is a case of the sorest loser in Greek mythology. What a petty bitch! Speaking of which…
4.) Hera (a.k.a. Juno)
It seems like sooner or later you’ll see a pattern emerging: that I generally don’t seem to favor the gods of Greco-Roman mythology. Immediately after Athena, we have Hera, the goddess of marriage, women, and childbirth. I personally consider her the goddess of jealousy. She is constantly jealous and vengeful towards Zeus’ other lovers and always puts him down for his flings, although to her credit he does cheat on her pretty much all the time (and wouldn’t you feel humiliated or unloved in that situation?), but her jealousy goes far beyond just Zeus’ flings. She also has the nerve to take it out of the offspring of Zeus’ lovers, to the point that her vindictive desires stop being justifiable. The story of Heracles (or Hercules as he is more often called) is all about him going through a series of arduous tasks and quests in order to redeem himself for killing his own children and wife, but it was never really his crime. Hera made him do it, literally, by inducing madness in him. That’s right, Hera would make someone kill innocent people just to get back at Zeus. And before that she sent snakes to kill him and his mortal twin brother, Iphicles. The sad thing is if it weren’t for her being a total bitch, she’d be another bland, uninteresting Greek goddess. That’s my problem with Greek gods in general, I find myself uninterested in many of them. The only gods I find particularly interesting or Dionysus, Hecate, Hermes, and Ares.
3.) Cronus (a.k.a. Kronos, Cronos, or Saturn)
This guy seems to be without morals whatsoever. In fact the only good thing he did was castrate Ouranos at Gaia’s behest. After that he became the ruler of the Titans, and later on he eats his own children out of a fear that they would usurp him, except for Zeus who survives with the help of Rhea. Cronus to me a symbol of the death of youth and spirit in the human sphere, and thus he represents things I fight against.
2.) Zeus (a.k.a. Jupiter)
Oh boy, this bastard must be the most popular Greek god, and I can’t imagine why other than the fact that he was the ruler of the gods in Greek mythology. Like some of the other Greek gods, he seems keen on mankind worshipping him and the gods, and when Prometheus taught fire to mankind, he punishes Prometheus for it, thus punishing him for bringing wisdom to mankind and being anything close to a benefactor of mankind, and not only that but he and the other Olympians create Pandora and set her up to unleash all evil in the world so that mankind would have to toil and succumb to illness, and after that she and all womankind would be blamed for it. All that because he hates that mankind has fire to empower himself with. He’s also supposed to be a god of law, order, and justice and an upholder of morals, but he’s massively hypocritical. He constantly cheats on his wife and he doesn’t just have sex with mortal women who he doesn’t love, he’s raping them! He forces himself on women whether they want it or not, sometimes disguised as animals (thus adding an extra element of bestiality to the mix), and at one point he even had sex with a mortal woman disguised as her real husband (which is how Heracles was born). Not only that, but he does very little to protect the women he flings with or the children they bear, leaving Hera free to exact her wrath upon them and sometimes try to kill them. You could say that Zeus had a fucked up childhood, what with Cronus trying to eat him. You’d be right, but that doesn’t change the fact that, compared to Zeus, Cronus was tame.
1.) Jehovah (a.k.a. Yahweh, Allah, or “God”)
Yep, you saw this coming. To be honest I was actually trying to keep the god of the Bible, Torah, and Quran from the top of this list because it was too easy, but I just couldn’t do it. After some thought, the other gods on this list are assholes, but Jehovah not has everything that makes the other gods assholes, he has much more. To keep it as short as possible since I’ve already talked about him many times before, this guy tries keep mankind in a state of thought slavery so that he may be worshiped by all, and anyone who disagrees with him he sends to hell for all eternity. He knew that people would eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, in turn disobeying him, so that Adam and Eve could be cast out of paradise, and mankind would be mortal, have to toil, and need him for salvation. All throughout the Bible he leads a chosen people to conquer the “promised land” in a campaign of rape and genocide, and not even children are spared. This guy also has all the jealousy and vindictiveness of Hera only worse, the hypocritical morality of Zeus only of much greater hypocrisy (although unlike Zeus he only had his way with one mortal lady), and like Ouranos he seems to hate his own creations especially mankind (he obviously does if he’s planning to destroy it all in the end, and doesn’t want man to grow into independent creatures; and in the case of Ouranos, Gaia’s children are Ouranos’ children, since it does take two to tango after all). And if you believe Jehovah is God, and that this means being the master of life and death, then this automatically means he decides whether someone gets to be born or not, and that makes him the biggest abortionist of all time, and let alone mass murderer of children.
Indra -I find it hard to truly dislike Indra. Although he is by-and-large the Indian equivalent of Zeus, he actually does get his comeuppance for his shenanigans, and is probably less hypocritical about it than Zeus. It’s actually difficult to stay mad at Indra, mostly because he has greater charm than Zeus and becomes better in Buddhist lore.
Vishnu – It’s the same with Vishnu. Despite my history of objection towards Vishnu’s role in Hindu mythology, the theologies surrounding him, and his avatars especially Krishna, I can’t really stay mad at him for long, and I certainly can’t say I dislike him entirely, or at least not enough to merit him a spot on this list. This is mostly because Vishnu is still a rather interesting character in Hindu mythology, and there’s aspects of him I actually like. Also note that Krishna and the other avatars are not their own gods. If you could consider them as such, Krishna would have been on this list
Aten – Despite being basically the Egyptian form of YHWH, there’s very little about him to criticize. He’s just a monotheistic sun god and that’s all there is to it. While he did have a royal cult for a while which meant everyone in Egypt had to worship him alone, but this did not last very long.
Horus – Horus may be a very political representation of order against chaos, which annoys me, and he may have sodomized the god Set, but he still just doesn’t annoy or outrage me enough to make this list. Somehow.