Sometimes while on holiday, I would walk to places at night. This could be to our hotel from the beach, or out through a town to pick up a cab. All that time I worry that something could happen, that things may go bump in the night. And whenever I hear noises and thumps from outside at night, I assume something is doing to happen. As I see it, it might be a leftover of the fear instilled by watching the news as a child. Don’t ask why, but I did sometimes watch the news if I had nothing better to do when I was young (about 12-ish years old), and all it did was show me a horrible world where gangs of people were wiping innocent kids off the streets, where bombs were going off, where the ice caps were gonna melt and cause global warming to kill off mankind with not a damn thing we can do about it, and where you can’t walk in the streets at night without getting potentially killed off. All this crap as a kid with no one really doing much to convince me otherwise.
If there’s one thing I find heinous, it’s kids being spoon-fed the news without anyone telling them that it’s gonna be alright, that the world isn’t going to hell. You know, anything to make them feel secure about the world around them!
Naturally, this made me worry about the world around me when I was in my early teens, and while the fear is less prominent today there’s still some leftovers that I feel haven’t really been shaken off. Probably because I’ve not interacted with others in very many social situations, and because I don’t go out to parties in clubs anyway. To be fair though, I wasn’t a miserable pile o’ shit for most of my years. I just didn’t trust most people (or just most of humanity at large), or most of the world. I did have refuge at home from what I felt was the hopeless sea of creeping mayhem that is the world, and I was happy in that personal space, but the world to me was still an untrustworthy place, as was society. It’s not that strong now, but it still needs to be shaken off, and it may be a while before it is completely banished.
And then, you could say that I just tend to be shifty at night, not that there aren’t any reasons for it.