I’ve been doing some thinking about myself, particularly regarding confidence and shyness, and I have been thinking, it’s possible that the shyness and reservedness I often express in real life is, or was, a defense mechanism for me which I employed when I was trying to deal with people, or avoid dealing people, when I was dealing with puberty.
Of course, I can be distant, reserved, even shy in more recent times, though I guess that’s mostly in time where I still feel distant or unconnected towards a group of people. Back when I was 12-13, and for quite a long time afterwards, I was shy, unable to deal with people around me, not wanting to deal with people around me, actually kinda awkward and clueless, and struggling to find myself and deal with the world around me, and reflecting on it I feel I was holding back my potential and my strength. From later years onwards, I know my self as I do now, and I suspect there were clues before that, through various cultural media I revealed what I believe in to myself, and I’m strong and confident inside, but I haven’t been letting it out most of my life.
Since I will be going to university soon, I feel I will be afforded a chance to let out my true potential when I can, be confident and honest about myself, and take myself to all sorts of new heights without any unnecessary and self-suffocating defense mechanisms. I know I can do it I try.