Yesterday during life drawing class I had a revelation. It began when the tutor praised my painting as it was in progress, and I thought about how I hated being praised for doing what I did not want to do. You see, I never liked having to do life drawing, and generally despise any art I make that I did not want to do or am not interested in making. Then at the time, they were playing the Sacred Spirit: Chants and Dances of the Native Americans CD for the third week (to my recollection anyway) and it was quite mystical, making me feel peaceful, but it mixed with some other emotions too.
A memory of my childhood in America came up while mixing green and white paint, and I always have an image of childhood memories and look upon them in a soulful way, as though they were more peaceful and innocent times (granted I was usually an energetic child). I also briefly thought of the times I daydream of being with the dream girl who would bring bliss and personal peace, but then waking from that state and remembering that it’s not real, I feel down again.
The whole experience and the pool of emotions and thoughts, I thought about the need for personal peace in one’s own life, and how I was not referring enough to the side of me that is soulful, watery, and reflective. Even the warriors, the most prideful, the most fiery, need some personal peace. At first I found it hard to deal with it, but then I realized it does not have to cause upheaval to my whole personality (since it was already there), or to my beliefs, values, and ideology.
That is why I have decided to inaugurate a seventh deity in my system of personal deities (ishta-devas). Varuna, the Indian god of water. In respect to my own personality, Varuna will be the god of the watery part of my persona, my reflection and introspection, the side that enjoys personal peace and bliss, my fascination with structure, the soulful side and the mystic side. He’s the side that knows that I like water, and the side that knows there are things I have always wanted to do in privacy. Granted, Shiva in my opinion shares some of these characters, but Varuna is focused on the side I mentioned, and only Varuna has the watery edge to all that.
Varuna’s mount is a dragon or sea monster, and he is sometimes associated with serpents, thus he still has associations with serpent power and the whole of myself, so even though he seems out of place in my system, he’s not. He might just bring some balance to my system too.