I don’t understand

Remember when I talked about my crush a few days ago? Well I think it’s over. Yeah, that was fast! Bet you’re wondering how it burnt out so quickly.

After I promised her my devotion, I wanted to do nothing but talk to her and express my feelings for her. I felt nothing but love for her, and I was focused on devoting myself to her. Then she didn’t talk to me for two days. I was sure I didn’t do anything wrong, but she didn’t say anything. My brother tried to tell me I was spamming her with comments, but I couldn’t help it, I wanted to talk to her. Another good friend of mine told me the same thing, and eventually I listened, and spent hours of yesterday playing video games to try and give her some space. But it was too late. She unfollowed and blocked me, probably fed up of the attention I’d been giving her (despite the fact that I promised to devote myself to her). I have a feeling it was my fault, and I was kinda expecting that to happen, but I still don”t understand why she didn’t tell me she wasn’t communicating with me, or why she didn’t have anything to say when I said “I love you” (knowing that I had a crush on her).

The sad thing is, this means the death of my new year’s resolution. All that devotion was for nothing, my feelings were almost completely for nothing. All because I became too obsessive trying to make up for screwing up once, and because she never talked to me directly about any problems. None of our problems would have come about if she talked to me directly.

All’s I know is I’m not gonna love anyone who isn’t interested in me as all that I am and will actually communicate with me, but I’m also thinking of getting my revenge on Cupid for all the pain he’s caused to my soul. I’m done with all the pain, guilt, and misery I felt lately. I won’t forget my former flame as a person, but it’s over between us, and I accept that.

In the mean time, I’ll survive. This I know for sure.


3 responses to “I don’t understand

  1. Remarkable personal insights into an ill-fated experience of devotion and resolution. We’ve only come across your blog recently and although our own path is not Satanic/Luciferic, we’re thoroughly enjoying reading your posts. Blessings….SRTB.

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