Yesterday it seems I was feeling so down that my mind turned to lustful and tender feelings. It was the day that my Lust side got the most attention, and its tender side too. The night before I even had some dreams pertaining to base desires, waiting without patience to be fulfilled.
By the way, don’t mind the pictures. I think you know what they’re supposed to illustrate on this post.
The first dream I recall is that I wondered naked through a field of grass, then a forest, then Satan-knows-where, along the way meeting plenty of beautiful girls, and eventually a particular girl, one who somehow stood out. Another dream I remember is me talking in conversation to some people, one of them a blondish-haired classmate I knew and often said “Hi” to, and someone asked something along the lines of “without God how will people feel secure and empowered?”, to which I answered “God is not the source of strength, but you yourself, from within”, after which the blondish-haired girl felt taken by my ideas and, in a serious and rather amorous tone, said she wanted to join me as my girlfriend (some kind of Satanic girlfriend). These dreams basically relate to base desire, but that doesn’t mean it’s nothing.
On bus trips, I would often lay eyes on a particularly pretty girl, and I feel kinda bummed knowing I can’t really do anything about it. Especially considering we’re both from different colleges. And at some point in the afternoon, while on a bus, I somehow briefly imagined being on a bus full of beautiful girls in their underwear. Yes, it is base, I freely admit to that, and it’s very much related to my own lustful tendencies, desires, and thoughts, but I think it’s more than just being a horny mutt, especially given the particular awareness and attention to it. I find this carnal desire and lust in the mind also has a very tender side, and I know that few people would associate lust with any kind of tenderness in thought. I find lust and love, and tender feelings to be very much related and linked, and not separate feelings. This is in contrast to the idea in Western civilization that love and lust are not only separate without even a speck of relation to each other, but that “lust” should be shunned and cast out while “love” is the only valid feeling.
You know what’s weird, I thought these feelings and started thinking more about lust and tenderness on a dull day with rather depressing weather. Maybe it’s just something that gets brought out in me to cheer myself up. Or maybe I was just still thinking about those dreams the night before, or maybe something else. But does it really matter?
Through all this I am trying to express not just my own very particular base, lustful thoughts on a particularly dull day, but also that lust has a tender side that is just as important as it’s beastly side. That lust is so intimately close to love, that they are almost, if not definitely in embrace.