I have a sister who is only four years older than I am, and she has a two year old son, who is thus my nephew. She’s apparently one of these people who must have accidentally got pregnant but somehow didn’t do anything about it and just brought him into the world, even though she’s not ready for it. I don’t like dealing with her or the kid. Nearly every day, I can hear my sister being a jerk to the rest of the family and shouting at the kid, just forcing him to do what she wants taking advantage of the fact that he can’t voice his opinion clearly yet and oppose it, and I hear the kid crying and screaming horribly quite often. And the kid himself, my perception of him is constantly wavering. He can either the victim of his mother’s oppression, or just an invasive little tot who pisses me off.
Through all this, I get gradually closer to decided that I don’t want kids, at all, not even if or when I might be ready for it, even if it denies me the chance to pass on my legacy. Think about it, it’s not just the terrible twos, but for the rest of his life onward, the kid will eventually realize he/she has a choice, and a will of his/her own, and most parents end up forcing their kids to do what they want, often with no other choice. And don’t get me started on the teenage years, where most parents just shrug off their attitude and newfound ideas as a mere phase, denying that they found anything own their own terms. I don’t want to have to live my life in fear of crossing a moral line and betraying my principles, or worse, becoming my parents by emulating the traits they displayed that I despised. In forcing my children to do what I say, I would face the danger of emulating the tyranny and authoritarianism I so despise.
In fairness, maybe in the future, years after this post is written, I might change my mind on this, but for now, the prospect of having children frightens me, because every time I deal with my sister and her son, I think of the prospect that I might betray who I am and my principles, and undo my own morality. And I don’t think I can handle parenting anyway.