Freemasons run America? Bullshit!

Often I hear conspiracy quack about this group called the Freemasons, how a lot of American objects and symbols are supposedly Masonic in their meaning and design (including the dollar bill), and how the Masons supposedly control America and want to rule the world. I’ve also heard stuff about how they supposedly worship Baphomet or Lucifer (thanks to the Leo Taxil hoax of the 1890’s), and Jack Chick (who is well known for his insane, easily disprovable claims about every single thing imaginable) claims that Masonry is a modern form of Baal worship, with Baphomet supposedly the ancient force behind it.

That said, it’d actually be kinda cool, or at least interesting, if the Masons were a group with vague connections to Lucifer, or Baal worship, or the paganism I mentioned before. But, contrary to the conspiracy theories, they’re just a boring old fraternity. What do they do? Nothing. Well, besides charity work, but that’s about it. Really? That’s the Freemasons? I wasn’t very interested in them already, but this just about does it for me. And from here I can establish that the Freemasons are totally overrated. Why the hell would anyone believe that they’re devil worshipers who control America?

Pictured: Not the Freemasons. In real life, it turns out they’re much duller than that.

While I’m here, I may as well mention the Illuminati, another popular conspiracy theory target. Said conspiracy theories state that the Illuminati control America, mastermind certain events, and plant symbolism into American popular culture in order to brainwash the masses, all with the intent of establishing a “New World Order”. Slight problem, the real Illuminati have been gone for over two centuries. Historically known as the Bavarian Illuminati, they were a secret society founded in May of 1776, and was established to oppose superstition, prejudice, religious influence over public life, and abuse of the power of the state, and to support women’s education and gender equality. They were permanently disbanded in 1785, less than a decade after being founded, by the Bavarian government with backing from the Catholic Church (no surprises there), though in later years they were vilified by conservative and religious figures (no surprises here either) who claimed they regrouped and started the French Revolution (what?), and in modern culture, we have the idea that the Illuminati are pulling the strings of government and society in countless novels, which only middle-aged women would read.

Case in point, anything by Dan Brown.

Wait, why are these guys supposed to be evil now that I think about it? Because last time I checked, people who fought against abuse of state power and religious control of public life and supported gender equality were generally not evil, let alone shady or sinister, let alone out to brainwash American youth with bizarre propaganda. Something tells me these conspiracy quacks have it all wrong, in more ways than one.


One response to “Freemasons run America? Bullshit!

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