19, and strong of conviction

It’s funny. Today’s my birthday, and I don’t have a whole damn lot to say. But I want to do something for my birthday. Shame I can’t do anything big on this blog. So I’ll just do this.

I have a funny feeling that my strength of conviction finally awakened when I was 18 years old, because since then I feel that my beliefs and worldview haven’t really changed. By contrast, when I was 16, and to extent when I was 17, I was confused, always changing between ideals. And I never started truly questing until I learned about the Shin Megami Tensei series in 2010, wanted to start playing, and tried to figure out whose side I was on, so I wondered what my values were and what I believed.

You might think it’s stupid that video games have that kind of effect on your worldview, but I don’t, and that’s because I don’t devalue or denigrate video games as an artform, or their potenital as such. When I considered myself Chaos-aligned, my values were more aggressive and passionate, and I felt more objective, and I valued freedom a lot more, while when I considered myself Neutral-aligned, I felt more subjective and mellow, and more fluid. Nowadays, no such flip-flopping exists. I now consider myself definitely Chaos-aligned, and have even considered my worldview a version of the Chaos philosophy in real life. Why? Because I value freedom, free will, individuality, and personal power and strength, and I believe in freeing yourself and living free by your own power, and carving out your own path. In those beliefs I consider myself more objective about myself, and more solid and strong. Besides, my beliefs and values have deep personal roots.

And now that I’m spreading my word and making art about it, I don’t think I’ll be changing, and even if I am, it won’t be by much. The tides of progress can try to toss me around all they like, but if I’m strong and hang tough, I’ll survive and stay true.


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