I’m sick of my actions being attributed to autism

I happen to be autistic (I remember being diagnosed when I was 2 years old), but don’t let that change any perceptions you may have of me. If anything, I hate being lumped in with any other special needs people just because I am autistic. I think to myself, “I’m nothing like them, so why do I have to be treated like them?” The only reason I’m put in the same group is because there’s people who think I’m still 5 or 6, or some kid with a disease, and just have cheques to clear. Whatever good times I had do not matter, for this is not about the times I may have had, but rather my feelings about how I’m viewed by adults around me. Hell, even the friggin’ guy who diagnosed me thought I wouldn’t be worth spit. He was the first asshole in my life, I didn’t know why he deserved it till now.

My biggest problem seems to be the apparent lack of recognition of my own free will or accountability to my own actions on the part of some learning support workers and even my own goddamned mother. I am fuckin’ sick of my thoughts, my actions, everything I think I do and say being regarded as nothing more than what my autism does, when in fact *I* said what I said, *I* did what I did, an *I* thought what I thought! Is that the way of the science of mankind? To deny the existence of our free will and our agency? It sounds like I’m going off topic, but this is how I see it. It’s though just because I am autistic, it’s believed that the autism calls the shots, not me, which is strictly bullshit. At least in the eyes of someone like me who believes in free will. Why should be considered someone without free will, unlike the rest of us?

As a kid, I used to think that being autistic sucked because I believed it made me lack concentration in school, which in itself is just a work camp anyway. But I eventually learned that I’m actually bright, just that my brain works differently. And in that time, I still get bombarded by false truths about my autism.

So what if my brain works differently? I’m still a human being dammit! A human being with free will! And just because I’m autistic I have to be considered as absent of that? Screw that! In my mind, I am so much more, so much brighter than what people see. The thing is, autism is all I really have, nothing big. There were probably kids in special needs units where I was who were in my same position, having autism and pretty much nothing else, but don’t have the same thoughts I do, at least not the same hatred. Still they’re potentially brilliant people, perhaps with the same brightness as me, and so it’s a tragedy they’re gonna be in the same situation of being diagnosed, considered worthless by the doctors at infancy, and being treated like they have no control. Well if I’m right, then I for one feel outrage, and sympathy for others who are autistic and yet have the brilliance and radiance of mind.