I want power

Just for the sake of it, here is an image of Vajrapani, since he is the embodiment of power in Buddhism. Keep in mind, though, this post has nothing to do with Buddhism.

Happy New Year everyone, I guess this marks the end of the holidays. I could post a New Year’s resolution, but those never work out. Instead, I want to talk about something I’ve wished for all my life. Power.

What is power? It’s energy, potential, potency, confidence, strength, force, something that signals to people, “I am strong, I am powerful, I’m made of fire, don’t mess with me”, something that lets you make people back off whenever they annoy you or tell you what to do. If you possess it, no one can tell you what do. And that’s why I’d want it.

Throughout my life I’ve always been told what to do, or at least that’s how I see myself. My parents, siblings, teachers, and others have always told me what to do, and I frequently felt powerless to defy, even when I tried to disobey, it didn’t end in me not doing. Power would help me push that back, take revenge, stop people from telling me what to do, even exact righteousness, justice, and my ideals. But it’s the embitterment and inner anger that fuels this desire, as well as my very human desire for more. I still see myself as being somewhat strong, but the way I see it, it’s not enough.

Can anyone say there is anything wrong with that? Who among us doesn’t wish for power, or even wealth (another of my dreams, also because of desire for more and for a better status in life, or doing what I want)?