This post has taken a lot of work to think about and a lot of effort to consider, hence the delay. Anyway…
You may remember what I said I believed about God. Well throughout the blog, I have gone on record talking about my belief in primal chaos as the prime and endless foundation and substance of all that is. After some thought, I can’t reconcile any overarching God of any sort with believing in Primal Chaos as the prime substance. I know I already said I was agnostic about God, but even if God was a force running through everything, that might as well be the same as primal chaos being the prime substance of all. In effect, you might say I’m atheist. But save it for now, you’d be missing out on the rest of what I have to say.
I believe in Primal Chaos as the prime foundation and substance of all that is, and a prime mover of sorts. The play of creation, destruction, change, movement, sensation, and power. Order does not exist, not truly. That or chaos is the order. I’ve already covered order not existing.
While I don’t believe in God as a concept, the creator, destroyer, and governor of existence, the reason all is, the maker of order, the demiurge, you get the idea, I am still open minded about the existence of gods/deities, monsters, spirits, and demons. Besides, I love gods, monsters, and demons, they’re so cool. For the most part, I simply believe in an ungoverned universe. It moves and changes on its own, and the chaos is endless. We’re born in chaos, we live in chaos, and we pass through chaos, and I make no claims about what happens after death, you’ll have to find out yourself. All I’m certain of is that there’s more than what we see with our eyes. I distinguish God from gods by stating that God is the concept of a demiurgic governer of reality, while gods are spiritual beings of some description, but they are not better than us, morally speaking. They’re just powerful beings.
You could call me a Satanist because I consider Satan/Lucifer a symbol of rebellion against religious authority, represented by God, as well as, in a way, self-empowerment, and he himself is a celebration of rebellion. You might even say he’s an example of sorts to follow.
My idea of spirituality heavily involves granting yourself spiritual power, self-empowerment, awareness of chaos, and the freedom of our sexuality. Find your own truth and be objective about yourself. That fits well with what I said about Satan. I’m all about unlocking the chthonic flame inside you, your spiritual and emotional power, and getting to know all that is primal; any way you can, and any way you want. I don’t believe in oneness with a higher being. I do believe there is potential in music for spiritual goals, such as what I previously said about heavy metal, and I’m open-minded about magic and occcultism so long as you can use it to achieve the goal of gaining spiritual power. I value living your life for yourself, and not solely for the sake other people, and certainly not for a god, or for any lofty utopian ideals.
I’m also thinking of incorporating pagan thought. And no, not Wicca, I find it a little too peacey. I’m scrolling through pagan ideas concerning human nature, or Man’s animal nature. I go to paganism mainly because, in ancient times, pagan societies were less repressive about sex, paganism itself was never repressive about sex. It just wouldn’t be pagan otherwise. Besides, I’m a huge fan of earth mothers, particularly the curvacious kind and of proven fertility and power. Earth Mother to me just screams Primal Chaos. But I am not a Luddite, and I’m not anti-technology. If I was, why would I be playing video games and listening to music on computer?
I make it a point to incorporate Asian religions. You know: Hinduism, Buddhism, and to a lesser extent Shinto and the folk traditions of China and Japan, mainly for my love of Eastern religions. I admire the appreciation and respect given to sexuality in traditional Indian religious thought. I admire the divine imagery in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Tantric schools of both religions. Perhaps, the images of gods like Shiva, Kali, Durga, and similar Hindu gods, along with Buddhist warrior-like Tantric gods, can be used as part of meditating on personal and spiritual power and strength.
Also, Hinduism has a concept of earth mother goddesses, and a concept of Shakti, which refers to both an earth mother and a primordial power and energy, which is responsible for creation and change. Shakti seems to be a prime mover, much like Primal Chaos, and it can also be a metaphor for any kind of spiritual power, especially female. The Earth Mother also quite sexual in a way. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s not like the primal and the sexual aren’t related.
It’s not as though I don’t believe in actions not having reactions. They always do. It’s part of chaos: one thing pushes another, the other pushes back, all part of the neverending movement of all. But this is not a law. A law is a decree that needs to be enforced by its agents, whereas this is a nature. You could say that’s Buddhist, however, I disagree with much of Buddhism’s actual teachings, including the non-existence of selfhood or the self, their devaluing of passion and desire, despite their sexual and passionate imagery in their deities, their concept of fetters (mainly what the fetters are, including sexual desire), and the Mahayana idea of bodhicitta.
I’m anti-religious and against organized religion, definitely, and there’s certainly a sense that my ideas are anti-Abrahamist and against the traditional spiritual/religious/philosophical ideas based around the notion of an orderly or governed universe. Also, have you ever noticed most religion want us to escape from chaos and our human nature? Christianity, Islam, even Buddhism seem to have a utopian vision of a world or just existence without sin or desire. We all know where that’s gonna go. Why run from chaos and the primal, when we can embrace it? And when we don’t, we end up becoming drones, or worse. Besides, primal isn’t all bad. We humans are animals, sure, but we have infinite potential, we are capable of brilliance and intelligence.
All in all, my core beliefs/values are Primal Chaos as the prime substance of all that is, an existence that is ungoverned, unlocking spiritual and emotional power, sexual freedom, and getting to know all that is primal, including the primal within Man. It’s about embracing Primal Chaos, rather than rejecting it, or fearing it. It’s about empowerment, the empowering of your self, not dissolving it into some higher consciousness. It’s about respecting sexuality not repressing it. It’s about knowing the primal, not running away from it. It’s about power, it’s about freedom. It’s about not surrendering yourself or your free will to anyone. It’s about not having any spiritual governance. If you’re worried that my spiritual path doesn’t have morals of it’s own, it’s not supposed to. I am not supposed to decide someone else’s morals for them, you are supposed to decide yourself.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to hear me out, if you did. This took a lot of work, so I hope you appreciate it. After this, I’m taking a break from posting for the weekend, because I feel like having a break after the effort I made to concieve this post.